Stright From the Shores Of Hell Beach

Ok the beach it's self was not bad in fact we all had a blast! However after coming home I realized I must have been wrong in my atheistic views because I was on Hell's beach! Grayling and I the only 2 people there who were not sun bathing and actually used sunscreen ended up with sun poisoning! Ironic eh? I have never felt such pain in my life! My arms were blistered and red, and my poor baby. He ended up with blisters the size of golf balls on his feet! I really wish I got some pics of those suckers, but my camera was dead and they had to be drained.

I am not 100% better but I am getting there, and below are some really gross pics of what hell did to me!

That white line is my wrist! swollen much?



Grayling says it looks like a sweet potato lol



Jerky blisters!



Hell sucks!



Lovely huh?

No Go

Ok So I drove all the way to Danbury for nothing! Turns out I need all my wisdom teeth out and instead of just getting one done today and then having to go back, the dr. decided I will get them all out on the 10th! Ugh this sucks for two reasons 1: I wanted it done and over with today 2: They are putting me under in a "twilight" sedation. I have never had this so I do not know what to expect. Anyways tomorrow will be super fun beach day! BTW just to warn you all do not believe anything I say because apparently I lie about my brother and niece being mine! LMAO people crack me up. Seriously I could be mad, but everyone I care about knows me and knows the truth. I call my niece,brother, and cousin my kiddos because they are with me all the time.

I do not really care what anyone else thinks. They are my babies and I love them like my own<3

Oh Me Oh My

Tomorrow is the big day.I am finally after months and month of pain, getting this damn "wisdom" tooth pulled! Believe it or not me the crazy girl am not that nerves. A little anxious and mad I have to get up early, but other than that I am fine. Grayling is coming with me and we are going out to breakfast before I go since I will not be able to eat. Then I am coming home and resting. The kids are coming over tomorrow night since we are all going to the beach on friday! Super excited but the kids better be good! Me + pain=mean lol!

Inspired by A Bride.... and her "30 Before 30" list, I started thinking about my own and I decided to share it in the hopes that I might actually stick to it and complete it. Although I do not turn 30 until June 25th, 2018 I figured hey this will give plenty of time!

1. Become a professional photographer
2. Finish school
3. Have 2 of my 4 kids
4. Move into our own house
5.Visit at least 3 other countries
6. Become a famous blogger
7. Get down to my goal weight
8. Learn how to play guitar
9. Throw a Halloween party
10. See an Broadway show
11. Learn to be ok with turning 30
12. Buy Grayling an amazing present
13. Go see Jerry Springer
14. Read 1,000 books
15. Get my tatoos
16. Buy a Canon DSLR camera
17. See Green Day live
18. Go to a spa
19. Donate blood
20. Buy a brand new car
21. Take Jocey,Tyler,and Airi on a huge shopping spree and weekend getaway
22. Grow a garden called the Pixie Place
23. Have $5,000 in savings
24. Attend the Big E
25. Spend a whole day outside relaxing
26. Get 4 more piercings
27. Get a pedicure
28. Write a book
29. Get off the crazy pills
30. Spend a whole day in bed watching movies with my love

What Is Your Secert Wish?

We all have those secret wishes, sometimes they are silly but they are always ours. So what is your wish?

I Know I Am So Cliche

I love pink, more specific I love pink with brown. Hence the new layout. I originally did the green and blue for a change, because all my pages for everything where pink. Now that this is my main blog and my place to express myself I have to be myself right? I really love my new look. It is classy, but still a hint of funky. It reminds me of a notebook that I scribble in and I love it. I might do a little something to the background, but we will see. Also how cute is my lamb :p! So what do you all think of the new look? Be honest!

Worthless

Worthless. The world would be way better off without me in it. Apparently I am nothing to anyone and I do nothing. Fuck no one even reads this fucking blog and even if they do it is not like they care. My problem is Icare too much. I care about assholes that I hate. They shouldn't matter but they do. Every adult in my life has screwed me over and it sucks. I hate not having a father, I hate that my sister is closer to her friends then she is to me, and I hate that aside from 3 people who all happen to be under the age of 13 I do not matter to anyone in this family. No friends, no family, no nothing.

Yeah I am a bitch, but I kind of have to be. How can I let anyone in when your whole world has stop believing or caring. I tried putting down these walls and what happened? I got a full force attack. From someone who I thought was not only family, but a friend. You can't trust no one, so why do people think I am going to reach out to them. I can fucking sit here and say I don't care a zillion times, over and over again. It will never be true though. Tyler and Jocey are getting older soon they will be like the rest. Soon they will not want me either.

I bet if I slit my wrist today, no one would even cry. If they did it would not be for long. No I am not being dramatic I am dead fucking serious. Everyone love my sister. She is sooo nice, sooo pretty, and sooo bubbly. What am I, nothing but a fucking disgrace. I should just end it all. You know just give up and take all this pain I feel inside and let it out on the person I hate the most, myself. It has been so long since I cut. I want to do it now so bad. I want to feel the warm dark red blood slowly flow out of me. I want to feel my heart beat faster and faster after each perfect little slice through my skin. I love that feeling. A blade through the skin is bliss. It makes you feel so alive. I cut for years and no one ever knew. I didn't hide my scars, just no one cared. They saw,maybe. If they did they did not worry about it. You have to be someone worth worrying over I guess.

22 yet I feel 16. I feel all the pain I felt then plus some. Mad, Scared,Sad. It is all the same. The feeling you get when something goes wrong. Like your going to be sick. Like the world just stops and all the pain in it suddenly flows right into your soul. I wish I can be completely jaded. Even for just a moment. I want the feeling of emptiness,I want to not care. I want to be like everyone around me. I want to on the outside looking into the mess I am.

Perfect Moment

This needs no words

I Have Never Been This Excited About A Mineral

My doctor's office is officially on my shit-list! Instead of making a two second phone call ensuring me, a crazy anxiety ridden women that I am OK, they decide to send my test results in the mail! I love my doctor, she is amazing. The office as a whole is another story all together.

Now for the results.......Drum roll please......I have severe hypoferremia. Basically I have extremely low iron in my blood. The doctor said to start taking some crazy amount of iron that can turn my poop green (fun!) I then have to repeat the blood test in a month. If it is not under control I may need iron shots. All I can say is I'm just glad it is only iron and I am not dying!

All My Cats Do This: Kneading

Some cats are so "kneady." They push and pull their paws in and out on soft surfaces like the bedspread, the carpet, their beds – even you. Sometimes this is accompanied by a bit of drooling. Your kitty may look absolutely contented during such episodes and may even purr.

Several theories exist for the behavior. Some people think it stems from them being weaned too young. Some think it is because they were weaned too late. The most logical explanation, however, is that it's simply a comfort behavior that cats remember from when they are babies. Nursing kittens use similar paw and arm movements to stimulate milk flow from their mothers' breasts. Momma cat also kneads the sleeping area to create a nice soft surface for her and her kittens. Whatever the precise reason for kneading, one thing is for sure: A kneady cat is a happy cat.

Oh yes all 4 of my cats do this, I personally love it, except when their claws feel like needles in my arm. Micah was nursed forever lol and the twins were just old enough to leave their momma when I got them, So I choose to think they do this because they know I am their mommy and love me. Or it is their way of trying to make me their bitch, either way I love it!

Now like the proud mom/cat bitch I am here are my babies!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="468" caption="Micah my jealous boy"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="467" caption="Vester my little sweety pie"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="467" caption="The twins Izzy and Bella<3"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="468" caption="Shiloh had to include him, he thinks he is a cat. Seriously."][/caption]

I am a huge supporter of preventing suicide. A person who is trying to kill themselves for bullying or mental issues clearly needs help and that help should be provided. What about someone who is already dying though? I mean we are all dying, but I mean knocking on death's door dying. Do they have the right to end their own suffering or even get help in ending their life?

I am of course talking about euthanasia. I firmly believe that in quite a few circumstances euthanasia is the right choice, or at least up to the individual. We all have the choice to live the life we want and therefore should be given that same choice in death. Would you want to see yourself or a loved one suffer through a horrible disease that is only going to result in a painful death. I know I sure the hell wouldn't! Why is it that we can deny almost all forms of medical treatment, but we can not die on our own terms and in peace. It seems quite counter-productive.

Basically what the law says is this. We can stop all forms of treatment, sit there and suffer, die, but god forbid a doctor or anyone else for that matter helps end our suffering so we can die in peace and on our own terms. One of the biggest factors attributing to this not being the case is the Christian movement in this and other countries. They seem to think that if euthanasia and any other form of assisted suicide is murder, immoral, and people playing god. Yes these are the same people who will not let people live their own lives, like homosexuals.

If someone thinks euthanasia or A.S is immoral it will not be a choice for them in the first place. They would not want to end their suffering because of their own personal views and beliefs. That is the individuals right. Like I always say though, no one has the right to force their own beliefs on others. If a person is morally OK with the choice of ending their life, it is their decision not mine or yours. As far as "playing god" we all do this everyday. The machines used to keep your loved one alive, the medicine we all take, and even the use of using birth control is "playing god". This logic is futile. Also let us not forget that not everyone is Christian or any religion for that matter.

Many people have claimed that is any form of A.S is made legal where would it stop? This is a very valid point and something that needs to be looked at and discussed. The bottom line is no deserves to suffer and anyone who is suffering deserves the right to die.

Wow I Love Your Smile

Ok so since my post about my teeth I have gotten about 15 emails about what my oral hygiene regiment is. First I just want to say it is ok to leave comments people! Lol for some reason people like to email me on either yahoo or Facebook instead of leaving comments here. It is kind of weird, but hey whatever floats your boat!

Anyways here is what I do. I brush my teeth only once a day (yeah I know it is supposed to be 2-3), When I brush I do not use mouthwash instead I use 3% hydrogen peroxide. This actually is better for you then mouthwash because it gets rid of all the bacteria and it also whitens your teeth! True story peeps. In the morning I use mouthwash only, no brushing. I floss only when need be, once again not the greatest idea. That is about it though. Oh once a week a use an electric toothbrush and do a major 10 min brush. I use the electric toothbrush only once a week so it does not get worn out as easy.

So there you have it my teeth tips. Make sure to go to the dentist every 6 months though!!! Lol now that I have went trust me I am going to keep on going!

Oh My Teeth!

Wanna know something funny? See these beautiful non-photoshop teeth below, well they have never been to a dentist! Or at least not until today. I know what you are thinking. Gross! Hear me out though. I have never had cavities, well when I was little I had a few on my baby teeth. So I never really had a need to go to the dentist. I take extremely good care of my teeth, I do not have crooked teeth, and I never had any bad toothaches. So no real reason to go,at least in my eyes.




Well for the past few months off and on I have been getting really bad toothaches. I assumed it was my wisdom teeth coming in,so did not give it much thought. This latest time though I just wanted it to stop! Also I was starting to get this almost blackish build up on my bottom teeth near the gums. No matter how hard I brushed ( til my gums were bleeding!) It was not coming off.

Anyways I went to the dentist for the first time ever today and it was not bad at all. The worse part was that I had to keep my mouth open for so long (that's what she said!)  and the x-rays. The dental hygienist did not believe I have never been to a dentist, she said my teeth were some of the best she has ever seen. Afterwards the dentist told me I needed to get my wisdom tooth pulled. I also need 2 small fillings not for cavities, but for decay. Yes there is a difference.  So yeah that is my dentist story lol! Oh and the stuff on my teeth was plaque build up which is gone now! Whohoo!

Captivate:Book Review

Author: Carrie Jones

Genre(s): YA/Fantasy

Publication date: 2009

Page: 273 pp

Synopsis

Zara and her friends knew they hadn't solved the pixie problem for good. Far from it. The king's needs grow deeper every day he's stuck in captivity, while his control over his people gets weaker. It's made him vulnerable. And now there's a new king in town.

A turf war is imminent, since the new pixie king, Astley, is moving in quickly. Nick nearly killed him in the woods on day one, but Zara came to his rescue. Astley swears that he and Zara are destined to be together, that he's one of the good guys. Nick isn't buying it, though Zara isn't as sure -- despite herself, she wants to trust the new king. But it's a lot more than her relationship with Nick that is at stake. It's her life -- and his.

Review

This book is amazing! It picks up where Need left of and like the first novel Zara and the rest of the characters feel so real, they are regular teenagers nothing overly sophisticated about their personalities. Although a fantasy book the friendships and bonds in this book are very human and you can relate to anyone of the characters.

The book starts out slow, but you want to keep reading to see where it is going and to learn more about Astley. About half way through it really picks up and becomes hard to put down. I adore how we see Zara change and mature through out this one. She goes from hating her pixie nature to embracing it somewhat. The ending although somewhat strange is a real cliff hanger and I can not wait for the next book! There are so many questions to answer and so many possible roads the story can take.

One of the most interesting part of the book is the faes. I love how we learn that pixies and weres are not the only ones out there, and this is yet another door that is cracked open. I just hope in the following book it is wide open to new magical experiences.

Overall

Plot

Characters

writing

Ending

Pixie Princess

As my summer girl gets older I am starting to realize how pixie like she is! She is so tiny and her facial features along side those green eyes and reddish are so magical that she really does resemble a little pixie princess! I love this little beauty to death. She is going to change the world into a magical place.

People Who Annoy Me

These are not murders or rapist because I hate those people, these are people who you just want to smack around a little. We all have them I just tend to be up front and put it out there. This is not meant to offend, just me ranting and being the realist I am.

1. Smokers: I can not stand people who smoke. Yes my mother and grandmother smoke.Trust me they hear it from me all the time, how stupid they are. I do not understand why someone would want to slowly kill themselves and the people around them. I have never touched a cigarette, however I can understand a teenager wanting to try it. What I do not understand is why after one they would continue doing it. Everyone I know who smokes has said that it takes a while to get use to it. Dumb much?
2. Overly religious people: Yes people have the right to believe whatever they want. However do not try to push you beliefs on others. This includes in public schools, gay marriage, abortion,politics, and anything outside your own personal life. Also quit trying to tell everyone that the world is only 5,000 years old. All you are doing is making yourself look like an idiot.
3. People that talk about the same thing 24/7: I don't care if it is beliefs, your kids, or you. It is annoying as hell when someone talks about the same subject over and over again. Not even just in "real life" but on their blog as well. All you are doing is making the subject you discuss the one-dimensional factor of yourself.
4. Pop people: You know these types, they like music, movies, fashion, etc only because it is main stream and popular for the moment. Yes this includes all the little teeny boppers who suddenly like Twilight and vampires. I have loved twilight since it first came out, and will continue to love it after this fade has passed.
5. People who think they are better than others: I can not stayed people who because of looks or financial status think they are the shit and are better than "lower" people. We are all humans and people like this have such low self-esteem that they have to put down others just to feel some sense of self-gratification.

Such A Beautiful Weirdo

Someone emailed me today asking to list 10 weird facts about me. So hey why not, without further notice here they are.

1. I hate a lot of foods: Not food that everyone hates like octopus or fried dog, I hate everyday foods. Here are just a few of the many. Tomatoes,onion,peppers,kettle corn,all seafood,pretzels,grapefruit,cucumbers,peaches, strawberries,etc.


2. I pee like 20 times a day, seriously. No there is nothing wrong with me I just consume a large amount of water


3. I do not like bands, I like songs. Besides Green Day and a few other bands, I do not like particular music groups. Rather I like songs. Most of the time I will like one or two songs per-band.


4. I do not like "friends". I have a few people I consider close and I am seriously fine with this. I do not like people around all the time and also I find the more people in your like, the more drama there is. So I stick to like 3-4 people who I am close with, out of that like 2-3 I am related to.


5. For some reason a lot of people are scared of me. I kind of like it.


6. I sit and think seriously what I would do it certain situations. For example Lately I have been really thinking about what I would do if I ran the world. Yes I know crazy!


7. My theory on "aliens" are that they are humans who are from millions of years in the future traveling back in time. The reason the look so strange is because we have evolved.


8. I use my toes to pick things off the floor, yes I am that lazy.


9. I have never tried a drug or cigarette in my entire life and I am really proud of this.


10. I firmly believe my animals are "people". We have conversations and everything.

Thirteen Reasons Why: Book Review

Author: Jay Asher

Genre(s): YA

Publication date: 2007

Page: 288 pp

Synopsis

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

Review

Going into this book I was very optimistic it was going to be great. Every review I read on it got at least 4 stars and so it soared to the top of my must read book list. However the book turned out to be a total dud. In reading the description you already know it is dealing with a very serious topic, suicide. I am thinking this book must really give an insider's view as well as the view of outsiders who are looking in. While this is somewhat true the reasons Hannah killed herself are so completely stupid that after reading it I laughed.

The way Hannah uses the tapes to explain her death is very interesting and I think I would have taken her more seriously if she did not sound like a total snob in the taps. Some of the people on the taps don't belong there at all, others did not do anything major,and the ones who did screw up, aside from one did not do anything that any other high-school kid  wouldn't do. The bottom-line is Hannah was hanging with the popular kids and should have just made some new, decent ones. Also the way all the people and events add up is so unrealistic you might end up rolling your eyes like I did.

What this story comes down to is this. A pretty girl who is over dramatic and can not deal with her own roll in events and instead blames it on others. Not a fun read at all. The only reason I kept reading was to see if something worth making you want to take your own life ever happens to her, and it doesn't.

Overall

Plot

Characters

writing

Ending