Website
Blog
April 30, 2010
I have spent two days in between taking care of Airi and having all my kiddos over getting to know Eva. Her story is well...There are no sufficient words. It is a story of love,lost, death,fighting, ultimately a story of life. I have read every single one of her blogs from start to finish and she has inspired me to make the most of life. I do not really know what to say except I hope you all read her story, donate, and love. Below are all the sites and a video.
Website
Blog
Website
Blog
April 28, 2010
April 27, 2010
Dear Jocey.
Dear Jocey,
You will never be a normal girl. Stay this way because your differences are the reason why you are one of the greatest spirits I have ever met. At only 11 years old you became my best friend and taught me to see the world through your eyes. I now know how magical this life can be, and I have you to thank for that. You are an old soul who possesses a magic that will stay with you across this journey of life, never forget that.
Some people may call you weird, they know nothing. Like a star your beauty shines from within and radiants outward. People who put you down do so out of pure jealousy. They want that light you hold inside your soul, never surrender it to them because they are not worthy. You are a leader so stay strong and never conform yourself to fit into the crowd, people who can not accept you for all that you don't deserve the privilege of having you as a friend. You deserve nothing but the best in life. Always remember that.
I could write an endless list of all the great things about you. Intelligent, creative, funny, unique, and beautiful. These are a few that really stand out. Whatever it is that you decide to do in your life I know with all my heart you will succeed. Whether it is writing and acting or Science and teaching, you can do it all. The world is all yours take it with both hands and never let go because you are the type of person who can change it for the better. No matter where you go or what you do, just always remember I will be here for you. There is nothing you can't talk to me about and nothing you can do to change how much I adore you. You are like sister to me and no one or anything can ever change this fact.
I love you Jocey. You are one of a kind never change.
You will never be a normal girl. Stay this way because your differences are the reason why you are one of the greatest spirits I have ever met. At only 11 years old you became my best friend and taught me to see the world through your eyes. I now know how magical this life can be, and I have you to thank for that. You are an old soul who possesses a magic that will stay with you across this journey of life, never forget that.
Some people may call you weird, they know nothing. Like a star your beauty shines from within and radiants outward. People who put you down do so out of pure jealousy. They want that light you hold inside your soul, never surrender it to them because they are not worthy. You are a leader so stay strong and never conform yourself to fit into the crowd, people who can not accept you for all that you don't deserve the privilege of having you as a friend. You deserve nothing but the best in life. Always remember that.
I could write an endless list of all the great things about you. Intelligent, creative, funny, unique, and beautiful. These are a few that really stand out. Whatever it is that you decide to do in your life I know with all my heart you will succeed. Whether it is writing and acting or Science and teaching, you can do it all. The world is all yours take it with both hands and never let go because you are the type of person who can change it for the better. No matter where you go or what you do, just always remember I will be here for you. There is nothing you can't talk to me about and nothing you can do to change how much I adore you. You are like sister to me and no one or anything can ever change this fact.
I love you Jocey. You are one of a kind never change.
April 26, 2010
Afternoon With Airi
Almost two, almost all grown up. My summer girl making a mess and having lots of fun.
Fishy kisses
Little piggys
In her own world
Kick
Just a girl and her dog
Bright eyes
Mmmmm
Sometimes messy can be beautiful
My mac and cheese girl
Fishy kisses
Little piggys
In her own world
Kick
Just a girl and her dog
Bright eyes
Mmmmm
Sometimes messy can be beautiful
My mac and cheese girl
April 25, 2010
Love Is Not Bliss
Grayling and I have been together for 5 years, 2 months, and 5 days. He has been my first and only real love. I say real because as every girl knows we tend to think we are in love a lot starting around the time we 10 or so. We started dating when he was 18 and I was 16 it was not love at first sight, but our friendship developed into romantic feelings within about 3-5 months. I pretty much knew from that point on we would be together for some time. We had what I like to call a "1/2 high-school romance" because I was still in school, while he had all ready graduated.
We officially became a couple on 02-20-05 and those few months after wards were pure bliss. Without getting into detail about his family and its dynamics, lets just say his parents were not thrilled. They did not "approve" of me and also my father did not approve of him (read here for full cult details) So we had the whole Romeo & Juliet thing going on for quite some time. The first year, although hard giving the circumstances we were put in, was non the less amazing. We saw each other a couple of times a week at work were we met, and maybe once a week to hang out. I also gave him my cellphone so he could call me. These precious limited times made us want each other more. We were very much in the "honeymoon" phase.
Of course as that first year went by things started to change and became more real. We had a few issues to deal with other than the fact he decided to move to NH with his family. I felt like my world had come crashing down. Life, meaning, love...over. Before he moved we had already broken up, but him leaving was like a punch in the gut. Little did I know he was not willing to let me go. He would call and I ignored it, I could not stand to hear him knowing he left. We did start talking a little again and he confessed some things to me in regards to why we broke up. No he did not sleep with anyone, but he developed feelings for another girl who by the way had a kid and fiancé. The farthest it ever went was kissing, if it had went any farther I would not be able to take him back.
The one thing that really made me want to take him back and how I knew he was a changed person, was that he told me he was in love with me. During our whole relationship he always said he "loved me" but was not "in love with me yet." This is how Grayling is, he is the type of person who needs to be 100 percent sure of something before he takes the plunge. The way he was raised and the experiences he has gone through has made him build an emotional wall up. He is afraid to get too close because he does not want to get hurt. So we got back together. We worked slowly to rebuild trust and our relationship as a whole. This took a lot of work on both of our parts and it was a huge test but we made it though. We were only 18 and 19 going on 20 at the time.
About a year later he moved back down to live with me. Between this time he came down about three times for about a week or so. The first time was a week after Christmas, this was also the first time either of us had sex. I was 18 and he was 20, yes we waited 2 years to have sex and I am so glad we did. Everyone knows sex changes everything about a relationship, so when we decided the time was right, and it really was right. It was perfect. Afterward we cuddled and he kept running his fingers through my hair telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loved me. Truly bliss. He moved down that coming June a few days before my 19th birthday.
We lived with my parents for about 6 months, then we lived with my aunt while we were waiting for our apartment on the third floor where my aunt lived to be ready. We moved into our place and it was everything I thought it would be. We painted and decorated, it was fun. we were a team. Things turned for the worse a little. I loss my job and was not in school at the time, my anxiety and depression was crazy, he started to get a really bad temper, and my grandmother moved in with us. This was not a great combination. Once again though we made it through.
He received help for his anger and I have been able to control my anxiety and depression for the most part. We are now in a bigger place and I love our home. Grayling is the most amazing human being I have ever meant. Although he has his faults he did the adult thing and received help for it. He takes care of us including my grandmother (who is like a grandma to him). He makes sure we have everything we need and beyond. He is kind and sensitive and extremely mature for someone who is only 23. I do not know what I would do without him. He believes in me and supports my dreams and goals. I have been out of work for a while now so he takes on the full burden of bills and rent all by himself. I have been looking but jobs are rare right now. I am now looking into C.N.A classes so I can work and also go to school to get my R.N. I want to help and support him for a change and more than anything I want him to reach his dreams.
We have beaten all the odds and I would bet my life that we will always beat them. We know love is not pure bliss, but we cherish the moments when that is exactly what it is. We have our differences but we respect each other and do not put each other down. There are times when I do not want to be around him and this is OK because we are two separate people. Most of the time though, I adore him and want to spend as much time with him as I can. Our love is not perfect, there is no such thing as a perfect love. If you think so then I can for certain say your relationship will not last the long run. Grayling is my heart and soul. We are met to be, but this does not mean we do not have to work for the relationship we have.
We officially became a couple on 02-20-05 and those few months after wards were pure bliss. Without getting into detail about his family and its dynamics, lets just say his parents were not thrilled. They did not "approve" of me and also my father did not approve of him (read here for full cult details) So we had the whole Romeo & Juliet thing going on for quite some time. The first year, although hard giving the circumstances we were put in, was non the less amazing. We saw each other a couple of times a week at work were we met, and maybe once a week to hang out. I also gave him my cellphone so he could call me. These precious limited times made us want each other more. We were very much in the "honeymoon" phase.
Of course as that first year went by things started to change and became more real. We had a few issues to deal with other than the fact he decided to move to NH with his family. I felt like my world had come crashing down. Life, meaning, love...over. Before he moved we had already broken up, but him leaving was like a punch in the gut. Little did I know he was not willing to let me go. He would call and I ignored it, I could not stand to hear him knowing he left. We did start talking a little again and he confessed some things to me in regards to why we broke up. No he did not sleep with anyone, but he developed feelings for another girl who by the way had a kid and fiancé. The farthest it ever went was kissing, if it had went any farther I would not be able to take him back.
The one thing that really made me want to take him back and how I knew he was a changed person, was that he told me he was in love with me. During our whole relationship he always said he "loved me" but was not "in love with me yet." This is how Grayling is, he is the type of person who needs to be 100 percent sure of something before he takes the plunge. The way he was raised and the experiences he has gone through has made him build an emotional wall up. He is afraid to get too close because he does not want to get hurt. So we got back together. We worked slowly to rebuild trust and our relationship as a whole. This took a lot of work on both of our parts and it was a huge test but we made it though. We were only 18 and 19 going on 20 at the time.
About a year later he moved back down to live with me. Between this time he came down about three times for about a week or so. The first time was a week after Christmas, this was also the first time either of us had sex. I was 18 and he was 20, yes we waited 2 years to have sex and I am so glad we did. Everyone knows sex changes everything about a relationship, so when we decided the time was right, and it really was right. It was perfect. Afterward we cuddled and he kept running his fingers through my hair telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loved me. Truly bliss. He moved down that coming June a few days before my 19th birthday.
We lived with my parents for about 6 months, then we lived with my aunt while we were waiting for our apartment on the third floor where my aunt lived to be ready. We moved into our place and it was everything I thought it would be. We painted and decorated, it was fun. we were a team. Things turned for the worse a little. I loss my job and was not in school at the time, my anxiety and depression was crazy, he started to get a really bad temper, and my grandmother moved in with us. This was not a great combination. Once again though we made it through.
He received help for his anger and I have been able to control my anxiety and depression for the most part. We are now in a bigger place and I love our home. Grayling is the most amazing human being I have ever meant. Although he has his faults he did the adult thing and received help for it. He takes care of us including my grandmother (who is like a grandma to him). He makes sure we have everything we need and beyond. He is kind and sensitive and extremely mature for someone who is only 23. I do not know what I would do without him. He believes in me and supports my dreams and goals. I have been out of work for a while now so he takes on the full burden of bills and rent all by himself. I have been looking but jobs are rare right now. I am now looking into C.N.A classes so I can work and also go to school to get my R.N. I want to help and support him for a change and more than anything I want him to reach his dreams.
Teenage relationships can last from days, to even years. Maximum would average out to be around 2 years. Once in a great while, usually for upperclassmen, teenagers end up getting married, I'd say 1/1500 do this. Which would mean for an average highschool, one couple will end up getting married per 4 years.
We have beaten all the odds and I would bet my life that we will always beat them. We know love is not pure bliss, but we cherish the moments when that is exactly what it is. We have our differences but we respect each other and do not put each other down. There are times when I do not want to be around him and this is OK because we are two separate people. Most of the time though, I adore him and want to spend as much time with him as I can. Our love is not perfect, there is no such thing as a perfect love. If you think so then I can for certain say your relationship will not last the long run. Grayling is my heart and soul. We are met to be, but this does not mean we do not have to work for the relationship we have.
April 24, 2010
April 22, 2010
Shiver: Book Review
Shiver has two first-person narrators, Sam and Grace. Grace watches the wolves in the woods behind her house every winter. She has a favorite, a yellow-eyed wolf. He watches back.Sam lives two lives; during the winter he’s a wolf, while he spends his summers as a human. And he’s been in love with Grace for quite a while.
Maggie Stiefvater wastes no time in throwing her reader into the deep end of Sam and Grace’s complicated relationship. We know the obstacle that has to be overcome almost immediately. We feel the insurmountable pressure of how will they ever overcome this problem. Yet the reader doesn’t feel shorted by knowing too much too soon - more grateful that we have the freedom to sink into the life and depth and emotion that Maggie magically infuses into every page, every paragraph, every sentence. Like Twilight, Need, and other young adult supernatural love stories this book will draw you into a world that feels more like a dream.
A few aspects of the book I did not particularly like where how fast they fell for each other. I do not like the whole love at first sight idea and Shiver goes even farther to include that grace was in love with same even while he was "just a wolf" to her. I personally find the undertone of bestiality a little creepy. Also the book does not have much of a climax, instead it focuses more on Sam and Grace's relationship. This does not make it a page turner until the end when things finally start to pickup.
Overall though the book is extremely well written and leaves you wanting to learn more about the wolves and their history. I am quite happy the author is making a second novel, Linger. In it I hope she includes more action as we learn answers to the ever "lingering" questions she has put into shiver.
The God Of The Old Testament
To start, this posting is not meant to offend, but rather to educate Christians about the Hebrew (Old testament) scriptures. The Bible in fact encourages its believers to test their faith. "EXAMINE YOURSELVES to see if your FAITH IS GENUINE. TEST YOURSELVES. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have FAILED THE TEST OF GENUINE FAITH."2 Cor 13:5. With this being said let us examine the "jealous" god of the Hebrew scriptures.
Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness I was encouraged to read and study the bible, which I did in earnest. Even now as an Atheist I still find theology fascinating and study it still. For someone my age I feel I am knowledgeable in the scriptures. I have read the bible cover to cover 4 times and am currently looking into gnostic writing and scripture. All my opinions I have concluded on my own and is biblically backed-up.
In Genesis god created man and women. They were naked and told they can eat from any fruit aside from the tree of knowledge. The first problem I see here is why does god put a temptation there in the first place? God is supposed to be loving and caring, on top that we are his favorite creation and made in his image. So why the temptation. Some have suspected it was because man was created with free will, therefore having the "choice" to obey god or not. Looking forward in Genesis we see this is not the case.
How can god have given the first humans a choice when they did not know the difference between good and evil. Seams like Yahweh kind of dropped the ball on this one. Although god does tell them that if they eat the fruit they will surly die, is it not reasonable for him to elaborate? After all this is why bible believers believe the world is the way it is today. So I think god being omnipotent would have seen this coming a mile away. Maybe even a little warning about talking snakes? Reading farther we see that the notice they are nude, so go and hide in the garden. I never understood this, what does eating from a magical tree that will kill you and eventually all the rest of humanity have to do with the realization of being nude? I find this piece of information very odd.
The kicker is in the last of the verses when god is "looking" for Adam and this conversation follows "He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" Either A: God is not all-knowing and does have limited power. Or B: god is playing games with Adam and Eve which means he is kind of a jerk. God then proceeds to curse them and throws them out of the garden. Damn this was some powerful fruit huh! The bible portrays the first man and women as very child-like, which I am sure they would be considering they had no examples to look to, yet god being both judge and jury condemns the pair and very single human being to come from them to death. Also Eve is the one who is blamed throughout history. Not god for giving her a lack of information, not the talking snake that told her god was lying to her,which he basically was, and not Adam who stupidly ate the fruit with her.Poor Eve.
Moving past a few murders and a lot of incestuous marriages we come to the beloved story of Noah. I think everyone around the world knows this story(considering all cultures have their own flood story the majority of them pre-dating that of Noah), The nephilim where running around raping women, Apparently everyone aside from Noah and his family were wicked people. Yes this includes babies and children, but god knows best right! He tells Noah to build an arc and to take with him two of each animal. Besides being scientifically impossible, why would god kill the other animals? Were they evil as well? Most Christians are not animal activists like I am, so this is a moot point for them, however I have never come across a reasonable, just answer for the slaughter of countless innocence children,babies,and fetuses.
Once again the subject of god's ultimate power comes to play in the above passages. Would god not see this coming? Also what is the point of using a flood to wipe out all living creatures, could he not just make the world cease to exist? Notice how god sees mankind has become evil in their hearts. Besides the point that they are "evil" because of the free will god made them with, what was exactly so evil about them? Reading the whole account of Noah we see the only two words mentioned about the state of man in this time is that they where "corrupt" and "violent". This again brings us to the point of children. Babies can not be corrupt or violent, yet god who is "loving" and "just" killed them all. Some theologians have stated that the reason children were killed is because they belonged to their parents who were the evil ones. Going by this theory just like in the account of Adam and Eve god blames the next generation for the previous one's down falls. God is love!
The following are a few key points that happened between the time of the flood and Abraham.
Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness I was encouraged to read and study the bible, which I did in earnest. Even now as an Atheist I still find theology fascinating and study it still. For someone my age I feel I am knowledgeable in the scriptures. I have read the bible cover to cover 4 times and am currently looking into gnostic writing and scripture. All my opinions I have concluded on my own and is biblically backed-up.
In Genesis god created man and women. They were naked and told they can eat from any fruit aside from the tree of knowledge. The first problem I see here is why does god put a temptation there in the first place? God is supposed to be loving and caring, on top that we are his favorite creation and made in his image. So why the temptation. Some have suspected it was because man was created with free will, therefore having the "choice" to obey god or not. Looking forward in Genesis we see this is not the case.
The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.' "
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"Gen 3:2-11
How can god have given the first humans a choice when they did not know the difference between good and evil. Seams like Yahweh kind of dropped the ball on this one. Although god does tell them that if they eat the fruit they will surly die, is it not reasonable for him to elaborate? After all this is why bible believers believe the world is the way it is today. So I think god being omnipotent would have seen this coming a mile away. Maybe even a little warning about talking snakes? Reading farther we see that the notice they are nude, so go and hide in the garden. I never understood this, what does eating from a magical tree that will kill you and eventually all the rest of humanity have to do with the realization of being nude? I find this piece of information very odd.
The kicker is in the last of the verses when god is "looking" for Adam and this conversation follows "He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" Either A: God is not all-knowing and does have limited power. Or B: god is playing games with Adam and Eve which means he is kind of a jerk. God then proceeds to curse them and throws them out of the garden. Damn this was some powerful fruit huh! The bible portrays the first man and women as very child-like, which I am sure they would be considering they had no examples to look to, yet god being both judge and jury condemns the pair and very single human being to come from them to death. Also Eve is the one who is blamed throughout history. Not god for giving her a lack of information, not the talking snake that told her god was lying to her,which he basically was, and not Adam who stupidly ate the fruit with her.Poor Eve.
Moving past a few murders and a lot of incestuous marriages we come to the beloved story of Noah. I think everyone around the world knows this story(considering all cultures have their own flood story the majority of them pre-dating that of Noah), The nephilim where running around raping women, Apparently everyone aside from Noah and his family were wicked people. Yes this includes babies and children, but god knows best right! He tells Noah to build an arc and to take with him two of each animal. Besides being scientifically impossible, why would god kill the other animals? Were they evil as well? Most Christians are not animal activists like I am, so this is a moot point for them, however I have never come across a reasonable, just answer for the slaughter of countless innocence children,babies,and fetuses.
The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them." Gen 6:5-8
Once again the subject of god's ultimate power comes to play in the above passages. Would god not see this coming? Also what is the point of using a flood to wipe out all living creatures, could he not just make the world cease to exist? Notice how god sees mankind has become evil in their hearts. Besides the point that they are "evil" because of the free will god made them with, what was exactly so evil about them? Reading the whole account of Noah we see the only two words mentioned about the state of man in this time is that they where "corrupt" and "violent". This again brings us to the point of children. Babies can not be corrupt or violent, yet god who is "loving" and "just" killed them all. Some theologians have stated that the reason children were killed is because they belonged to their parents who were the evil ones. Going by this theory just like in the account of Adam and Eve god blames the next generation for the previous one's down falls. God is love!
The following are a few key points that happened between the time of the flood and Abraham.
Murder was forbidden. Gen 9:5 ( you would think he would make this clear BEFORE the flood!)
The rainbow covenant was instated. God covenanted with humanity and the animal kingdom to never again destroy the earth by flood. The first rainbow was seen. Gen. 8:21-22 and Gen. 9:8-17
The Tower of Babel was started. Gen.10:10 ( god punishes them by making them speak different languages)
A lot of reproduction went on and nations started to form
Part 2 coming soon.
April 21, 2010
Oh What A Life
I love my life. Aside from a few details it is pretty much perfect. Airi is going to be 2 next month and although I am sad to see her growing up so fast, it is amazing to watch her learn new things everyday! The other day she learned to say Shiloh, since she was about 13 months she has called him Shi Shi lol. She is becoming such an amazing little person and is so beautiful! Everyone who is around her can not help but smile. She radiates happiness. She does not look like a normal baby and never has, since the day she was born she looks at you like she completely understands and holds more knowledge than any of us could imagine. With her Green hazel eyes and reddish brown hair she wins hearts all the time. She is going to do amazing things in her life, I just know it.
Jocey is freaking awesome, is it sad that I have almost everything in common with a 12-year-old? She is so many things I can use a million words to describe her and it still would not cover all the components of who she is. Like a little mommy she loves playing and taking care of little kids and is quite brilliant with them. They all flock to her and immediately love her. Like with destiny and Airi who have not seen her in so long, and they just all had an instant bond. She is also a book-worm which I love because it seems besides her and myself no one in the family really likes to read. At least not to the extent that we do. I love that girl.
Tyler my little man is no longer little, he is 10-years-old. I can not believe how big he is getting. When he was born I was Jocey's age and like her I was like a little mommy to him. He is so handsome and smart. Around me and other people in the family he is wild and crazy, but with strangers and adults he is very polite and always listens. When he becomes a teenager he is going to be breaking hearts left and right. I can already see it. He is going to be the popular boy who besides being athletic,smart, and has a little bit of an edge to him, he will also be the nice guy who doesn't look at girls as play things but respects them all. This of course making him even more appealing. The girl he ends up marrying better be good enough for him, because I am going to get all big sister protective on him.
I love these kids more than life and they really do complete me. All of them have possession of my heart and I honestly do not want it back.
Tomorrow Grayling and I are having a date day and besides hanging out with my kiddos, spending time with him is heaven. I have the greatest man to ever set foot on this earth. He is caring and has a beautiful soul. I would not trade him for anything in the world. We are simply met to be. As cliché as it sounds it is 100 percent true. We have been together for over 5 years and these years have been the happiest and most life changing of my life. I know deep in my heart nothing will separate us.
Jocey is freaking awesome, is it sad that I have almost everything in common with a 12-year-old? She is so many things I can use a million words to describe her and it still would not cover all the components of who she is. Like a little mommy she loves playing and taking care of little kids and is quite brilliant with them. They all flock to her and immediately love her. Like with destiny and Airi who have not seen her in so long, and they just all had an instant bond. She is also a book-worm which I love because it seems besides her and myself no one in the family really likes to read. At least not to the extent that we do. I love that girl.
Tyler my little man is no longer little, he is 10-years-old. I can not believe how big he is getting. When he was born I was Jocey's age and like her I was like a little mommy to him. He is so handsome and smart. Around me and other people in the family he is wild and crazy, but with strangers and adults he is very polite and always listens. When he becomes a teenager he is going to be breaking hearts left and right. I can already see it. He is going to be the popular boy who besides being athletic,smart, and has a little bit of an edge to him, he will also be the nice guy who doesn't look at girls as play things but respects them all. This of course making him even more appealing. The girl he ends up marrying better be good enough for him, because I am going to get all big sister protective on him.
I love these kids more than life and they really do complete me. All of them have possession of my heart and I honestly do not want it back.
Tomorrow Grayling and I are having a date day and besides hanging out with my kiddos, spending time with him is heaven. I have the greatest man to ever set foot on this earth. He is caring and has a beautiful soul. I would not trade him for anything in the world. We are simply met to be. As cliché as it sounds it is 100 percent true. We have been together for over 5 years and these years have been the happiest and most life changing of my life. I know deep in my heart nothing will separate us.
April 19, 2010
Things Need To Change
Have you ever felt like your brain is working too hard? Well this is how I am feeling. I hate logging into Facebook and all I see is Atheist, science, and anti-religion posts. Yes I am an atheist so I have friends on Facebook who are as well, but seriously why do they have to talk about it every single second. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to convince themselves that they are right. All I see is new theories, how creation science is wrong, and the most popular post recently the catholic church. I from time to time post updates on Facebook about atheism, but some of these people need to chill out. They are annoying me and I am on their "side".
I feel they as well as me need to stop all the debating with Christians to prove them wrong crap and spend massive amounts of time of Facebook telling everyone that we are atheist and just sit back and enjoy this life. I am a thinker, in fact I tend to overly think. This leads to stress and anxiety,which is not fun! I want to be happy and do happy things and live in my happy little world. I do not want to spend all my time defending my beliefs to people who will not understand in the first place.
So let me say this...I am an Atheist, but I am no longer "flaunting" it. I am not going to hide who I am, but I do not see the need to go out of my way to correct people, offend people, and piss people off. When I feel like discussing my beliefs I will do so. Other than that though I am so done with all the us vs them drama.
I need to start focusing on my life and on me. I have things to do and places to see, but I can not do them if I am arguing online all the time. I think this is why I have been having such a hard time sleeping the past 2 weeks. My brain feels like it is on overload. On top of my normal anxiety and depression, I now have extra anxiety and pressure from stupid online crap. I am going to start enjoying life again. Not just big moments like birthdays and holidays, but the small things. I am going to try to never take a day for granted and always make time for myself, my loved ones, and activities I love doing.
I feel they as well as me need to stop all the debating with Christians to prove them wrong crap and spend massive amounts of time of Facebook telling everyone that we are atheist and just sit back and enjoy this life. I am a thinker, in fact I tend to overly think. This leads to stress and anxiety,which is not fun! I want to be happy and do happy things and live in my happy little world. I do not want to spend all my time defending my beliefs to people who will not understand in the first place.
So let me say this...I am an Atheist, but I am no longer "flaunting" it. I am not going to hide who I am, but I do not see the need to go out of my way to correct people, offend people, and piss people off. When I feel like discussing my beliefs I will do so. Other than that though I am so done with all the us vs them drama.
I need to start focusing on my life and on me. I have things to do and places to see, but I can not do them if I am arguing online all the time. I think this is why I have been having such a hard time sleeping the past 2 weeks. My brain feels like it is on overload. On top of my normal anxiety and depression, I now have extra anxiety and pressure from stupid online crap. I am going to start enjoying life again. Not just big moments like birthdays and holidays, but the small things. I am going to try to never take a day for granted and always make time for myself, my loved ones, and activities I love doing.
- Cleaning my house, yes I enjoy the finished results
- Reading
- Drink a cup of tea at night while spending time with grandma
- Go out doors and stop acting like a vampire
- focus on my future
- Take lots of pictures
- Laugh
- Enjoy life to the fullest
April 18, 2010
La Tua Cantante:Shoot with Jocey part one
My beautiful cousin a.k.a sister Jocey looking amazing! She is one of my biggest inspirations. Click to see full size photo.
La Tua Cantante
Apple of my eye
Not today...
Forbidden fruit is the sweetest
One bite
Temptation
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Enjoy all the moments
Book worm
Dream in books
Intuitive
Like an apple hanging from a tree
It's a lifestyle
Dazzled
Immortality
Like an angel
La Tua Cantante
Apple of my eye
Not today...
Forbidden fruit is the sweetest
One bite
Temptation
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Enjoy all the moments
Book worm
Dream in books
Intuitive
Like an apple hanging from a tree
It's a lifestyle
Dazzled
Immortality
Like an angel
April 16, 2010
Hello everyone. This is just a quick little blog to let you all know I am now blogging on another site along side this one. The Atheist Chicks is an awesome blog that one of my best friends, Amber and I created together. We are both very proud Atheists and we want people to see what it is like being a female and an Atheist. Trust me it is not what you may expect!
Our site is still very new and will not be completely "finished" until after this weekend. Please join us though, I think you will all find refreshing view points and advice on our site. I look forward to seeing all you Atheist and non-Atheist alike!
Our site is still very new and will not be completely "finished" until after this weekend. Please join us though, I think you will all find refreshing view points and advice on our site. I look forward to seeing all you Atheist and non-Atheist alike!
April 14, 2010
Today Was Pure Bliss
Today was one of those days that starts ordinary and ends in extraordinary bliss. Without getting into a lot of private details, my 12-year-old cousin who also happens to be my best-friend is back in my life. I have not seen her for about a year, but it felt like a life time. I know it sounds corny to say she is my best-friend but it is true, we are kindred spirits. She is not like other kids her age, she has always been an " old soul". She is amazingly creative and fun. The stories and comics she comes up with are beyond belief for someone her age.
She does not have a lot friends her age,this is because she is different. Not at all in a bad way, like I said she is an old soul so a lot of kids do not understand this. She is not at all a typical 12-year-old. She loves to read,write, and learn. But she does it all in her own way, so school tends to be a little problem. She is in her own little world and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I wish I was half as creative as she is.
When I saw her today it all felt surreal. She looked so grown up. She is basically as tall as I am, she has these absolutely adorable new glasses, and her hair is so long again! I felt like crying, laughing, and jumping up and down all at the same time. I have not felt so joyous in a long time. I remember when new moon came out, we were planing on seeing it together month in advance.
Then circumstances changed that and when I saw the movie and anything having to do with twilight I became extremely sad. What I am about to say is very personal and most will view it as extremely weird, but I will say it anyway. In the movie New Moon, Bella writes Alice letters. Well I did the same. Every week I wrote Jocey a letter. One day I will give them to her, so she knows how much I truly did miss her. As for right now though I am going to live in the moment and hope she stays in my life for good.
She does not have a lot friends her age,this is because she is different. Not at all in a bad way, like I said she is an old soul so a lot of kids do not understand this. She is not at all a typical 12-year-old. She loves to read,write, and learn. But she does it all in her own way, so school tends to be a little problem. She is in her own little world and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I wish I was half as creative as she is.
When I saw her today it all felt surreal. She looked so grown up. She is basically as tall as I am, she has these absolutely adorable new glasses, and her hair is so long again! I felt like crying, laughing, and jumping up and down all at the same time. I have not felt so joyous in a long time. I remember when new moon came out, we were planing on seeing it together month in advance.
Then circumstances changed that and when I saw the movie and anything having to do with twilight I became extremely sad. What I am about to say is very personal and most will view it as extremely weird, but I will say it anyway. In the movie New Moon, Bella writes Alice letters. Well I did the same. Every week I wrote Jocey a letter. One day I will give them to her, so she knows how much I truly did miss her. As for right now though I am going to live in the moment and hope she stays in my life for good.
