Our Song

Ok this is a poem I wrote on 01-01-05! Crazy huh?

I sing of a friendship and love , that is timeless,

a song of all songs,

created within me, finished within you.

A song so complete,

but possessing no rhyme or rhythm.

A song so confined,

but boundaries to the edge of love and over.

A song caught in one soul,

dwelling in two bodies

A song connected between my smile and your laugh

It is a song that will forever be heard,

A song of love I share with you.

Our Song

Ok this is a poem I wrote on 01-01-05! Crazy huh?

I sing of a friendship and love , that is timeless,

a song of all songs,

created within me, finished within you.

A song so complete,

but possessing no rhyme or rhythm.

A song so confined,

but boundaries to the edge of love and over.

A song caught in one soul,

dwelling in two bodies

A song connected between my smile and your laugh

It is a song that will forever be heard,

A song of love I share with you.

The other night I went over my mother's house to see my little brother Tyler for his 10th birthday. We started talking about somethings mainly regarding the family, including my biological father. I have made choices in my life, this last year especially regarding certain members of my family and for some reason my mother does not understand them. I love my mother to death, but she can be a very difficult person to deal with at times. We have always tended to butt heads on a lot different issues. I realize now that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but sometimes I wish she would just listen to me instead of trying to "fix" situations. I am not going to get into every little thing that was talked about, but one issue I will discuss is that of my "real" father.

When I was a child I do not really remember being that close to him. I remember when he use to come home from work and I would run up and give him a hug and kiss, but honestly I do not remember really having one on one time with him. I do remember him trying to hit me a few times though. Anyways When I was around 7 he started taking more of an interest in both my sister and I (you can read these accounts here) because he became a JW. Eventually though he "left the truth" and this was around the same time that we moved into a new house, we have lived with my grandmother for all my life so this was a huge change.

To make a really long boring story short, my parents finally got a divorce and my father moved into his own place. It was during this time that him and I became extremely close. I was a daddy's girl  and I completely loved it. We would do all kinds of things together from Yankee's games to just watching T.V together. These where honestly some of the greatest times not just with my father, but in my life. He helped me to realize and cultivate my life for learning, by introducing me to the discovery channel, aquariums, and all types of educational activities. We were basically like best friends and every weekend I was there right by his side. Even sometimes during the week I would miss school and go on the road with him, since he is a truck driver. I really miss those days and wish more than anything I could have my father back in my life. But like so many situations in life, some are unreachable.

Things started to change when my grandmother moved back to CT. Besides becoming a JW again he started dating this stupid ass Brazilian girl. Note that I am not being mean when I say stupid, she literally was stupid. One of those women who you meet and think damn why the hell where they not born blond! So needless to say we did not get along to well. Of course they eventually became married and I had the pleasure of having her as a step-mother! For some reason this meant that I didn't get my father to myself for the weekends. Of course I can not but all the blame of her alone, there was also the Field service and Sunday meeting we had to attend. So I got to spend time with him, but  always in regards to a rigorous religious schedule. From that point on our relationship was not a father and daughter one, but more of a "spiritual brother and sister" one. Of course even during this time I did everything I could to please him and this including trying to get along with the evil step-mother. However our relationship was never how it was in the pre-JW days, but we sure put on a good show for the brothers and sisters at the kingdom hall! They all thought we were one big happy blended family.

Moving forward to my post-disfellowshiped days (the whole story on this can be read here) he at first would call me maybe once every few weeks to try to get me to come to meetings, of course I was extremely emotional during this time and was not really ready to talk to him about anything. Also the fact that I was 17  going to the high school from hell did not help at all either. Eventually we did talk, but I told him I did not really want a religious discussion. Of course at this point  I do not think he knew how to talk without his beliefs coming up. The calls came less and less. Honestly this was fine by me I figured out of sight out of mind, this however was not really the case instead the anger inside of me grew and grew. As my high school graduation started to creep close, I told my mother not to invite him. She of course did anyways and he told her she would be there. Then the day off my graduation maybe about 3 hours before the ceremony was about to start he called my phone and left me a  nice little message, stating that he would not come because of the choices I have made and he could not support my decisions in life. Nice huh? I played it off cool, but deep down inside my heart was hurting.

After this point I had very little to do with him,I would still get a call maybe once a month at the most, but I pretty much just ignored it. The pain inside of me was like a hard ball sitting in the pit of my stomach, as much as I tried to ignore it, it was still there. When I was 19 my mother decided to have an intervention, for lack of a better word. Where she invited me over without telling me that my father was there. I was furious with her and left, but I decided to go back. The four of us talked (my mother, biological father, step-father (my real dad), and I) over a few hours of talking about a number of issues we came to the conclusion that my father and I would try to start over and build a relationship. He came over my house once and called me a handful of times, then it went back to the same old as I knew it would.

Right now at this point in my life I am ready to let go. Through writing,support groups, and my own research I realize my father is in a cult. A vicious one at that which tears families and friends apart. I do not blame him for his beliefs because I was once under the same "spell" that he is still under. What I do want his for him to be out of my life completely. I am sick of getting phone calls every 3 months with his " I care" act. I harbor no bad feelings towards him, what I am is sad because I feel the man I use to love has died, he is no longer the funny,charming father that I loved. Instead he has become brainwashed under the influence of the WT (watchtower). I can not have him be part of my life at this point, because I know every move he would make would be to try to get to return to the "truth" and his truth is not longer my truth.

Going full circle now back to my mother I told her all this and she thinks it is because I am still angry. I wish she would realize that I do not have any resentment towards him,only sadness. For the most part I am very happy with my life (aside from the fact I wish I could get back into school!) I have amazing friends and family who love me for the person I am, this includes my amazing father Josh who has been there for me since I was 11 years old and has treated my like his own daughter. My hubby is absolutely amazing and supportive and has dealt with his anger problems like an adult should. Airi and Tyler are absolutely amazing and brighten my days when it feels like there is no sun in my sky. Even My sister and I who I have had my ups and downs with is now like a real friend to me. I now meditate and write to vent and deal with my problems instead of becoming angry or depressed. My mother needs to realize I am growing as a person and maybe to her it seems childish to exclude certain people from my life, from my point of view I am trying to rid my life of all unnecessary drama and problems.

Maybe one day I will be able to let him and others back in my life. I certainly hope so, but if not I am OK with that because as life moves on we all need to learn that somethings are not worth keeping. So you just have to let go and move forward to a brighter tomorrow.

[caption id="attachment_393" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="My Real Family<3 (minus my mom who is taking the pic)"][/caption]

Letting Go

The other night I went over my mother's house to see my little brother Tyler for his 10th birthday. We started talking about somethings mainly regarding the family, including my biological father. I have made choices in my life, this last year especially regarding certain members of my family and for some reason my mother does not understand them. I love my mother to death, but she can be a very difficult person to deal with at times. We have always tended to butt heads on a lot different issues. I realize now that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but sometimes I wish she would just listen to me instead of trying to "fix" situations. I am not going to get into every little thing that was talked about, but one issue I will discuss is that of my "real" father.

When I was a child I do not really remember being that close to him. I remember when he use to come home from work and I would run up and give him a hug and kiss, but honestly I do not remember really having one on one time with him. I do remember him trying to hit me a few times though. Anyways When I was around 7 he started taking more of an interest in both my sister and I (you can read these accounts here) because he became a JW. Eventually though he "left the truth" and this was around the same time that we moved into a new house, we have lived with my grandmother for all my life so this was a huge change.

To make a really long boring story short, my parents finally got a divorce and my father moved into his own place. It was during this time that him and I became extremely close. I was a daddy's girl  and I completely loved it. We would do all kinds of things together from Yankee's games to just watching T.V together. These where honestly some of the greatest times not just with my father, but in my life. He helped me to realize and cultivate my life for learning, by introducing me to the discovery channel, aquariums, and all types of educational activities. We were basically like best friends and every weekend I was there right by his side. Even sometimes during the week I would miss school and go on the road with him, since he is a truck driver. I really miss those days and wish more than anything I could have my father back in my life. But like so many situations in life, some are unreachable.

Things started to change when my grandmother moved back to CT. Besides becoming a JW again he started dating this stupid ass Brazilian girl. Note that I am not being mean when I say stupid, she literally was stupid. One of those women who you meet and think damn why the hell where they not born blond! So needless to say we did not get along to well. Of course they eventually became married and I had the pleasure of having her as a step-mother! For some reason this meant that I didn't get my father to myself for the weekends. Of course I can not but all the blame of her alone, there was also the Field service and Sunday meeting we had to attend. So I got to spend time with him, but  always in regards to a rigorous religious schedule. From that point on our relationship was not a father and daughter one, but more of a "spiritual brother and sister" one. Of course even during this time I did everything I could to please him and this including trying to get along with the evil step-mother. However our relationship was never how it was in the pre-JW days, but we sure put on a good show for the brothers and sisters at the kingdom hall! They all thought we were one big happy blended family.

Moving forward to my post-disfellowshiped days (the whole story on this can be read here) he at first would call me maybe once every few weeks to try to get me to come to meetings, of course I was extremely emotional during this time and was not really ready to talk to him about anything. Also the fact that I was 17  going to the high school from hell did not help at all either. Eventually we did talk, but I told him I did not really want a religious discussion. Of course at this point  I do not think he knew how to talk without his beliefs coming up. The calls came less and less. Honestly this was fine by me I figured out of sight out of mind, this however was not really the case instead the anger inside of me grew and grew. As my high school graduation started to creep close, I told my mother not to invite him. She of course did anyways and he told her she would be there. Then the day off my graduation maybe about 3 hours before the ceremony was about to start he called my phone and left me a  nice little message, stating that he would not come because of the choices I have made and he could not support my decisions in life. Nice huh? I played it off cool, but deep down inside my heart was hurting.

After this point I had very little to do with him,I would still get a call maybe once a month at the most, but I pretty much just ignored it. The pain inside of me was like a hard ball sitting in the pit of my stomach, as much as I tried to ignore it, it was still there. When I was 19 my mother decided to have an intervention, for lack of a better word. Where she invited me over without telling me that my father was there. I was furious with her and left, but I decided to go back. The four of us talked (my mother, biological father, step-father (my real dad), and I) over a few hours of talking about a number of issues we came to the conclusion that my father and I would try to start over and build a relationship. He came over my house once and called me a handful of times, then it went back to the same old as I knew it would.

Right now at this point in my life I am ready to let go. Through writing,support groups, and my own research I realize my father is in a cult. A vicious one at that which tears families and friends apart. I do not blame him for his beliefs because I was once under the same "spell" that he is still under. What I do want his for him to be out of my life completely. I am sick of getting phone calls every 3 months with his " I care" act. I harbor no bad feelings towards him, what I am is sad because I feel the man I use to love has died, he is no longer the funny,charming father that I loved. Instead he has become brainwashed under the influence of the WT (watchtower). I can not have him be part of my life at this point, because I know every move he would make would be to try to get to return to the "truth" and his truth is not longer my truth.

Going full circle now back to my mother I told her all this and she thinks it is because I am still angry. I wish she would realize that I do not have any resentment towards him,only sadness. For the most part I am very happy with my life (aside from the fact I wish I could get back into school!) I have amazing friends and family who love me for the person I am, this includes my amazing father Josh who has been there for me since I was 11 years old and has treated my like his own daughter. My hubby is absolutely amazing and supportive and has dealt with his anger problems like an adult should. Airi and Tyler are absolutely amazing and brighten my days when it feels like there is no sun in my sky. Even My sister and I who I have had my ups and downs with is now like a real friend to me. I now meditate and write to vent and deal with my problems instead of becoming angry or depressed. My mother needs to realize I am growing as a person and maybe to her it seems childish to exclude certain people from my life, from my point of view I am trying to rid my life of all unnecessary drama and problems.

Maybe one day I will be able to let him and others back in my life. I certainly hope so, but if not I am OK with that because as life moves on we all need to learn that somethings are not worth keeping. So you just have to let go and move forward to a brighter tomorrow.

I try not to be too judgmental when it comes to people, however I believe there is a fine line between opinions and absolute ignorance. For the past few weeks I have been seeing a lot of people on Facebook joining these type of pages whose names are your in america learn to speak english or get out ,i should not have to press 1 for english!,etc. This type of ignorance really gets under my skin and pisses me off! Although I only speak English I am 1/2 Puerto Rican and have a lot of family who speak Spanish. Even if I was purely white this would still be very offensive to me and honestly it is racist.

OK seriously do these people not realize that America has no official language? This country is suppose to be a melting pot of culture, tolerance, and acceptance. Yet as time goes on people are getting very ignorant when it comes to other people's cultures and lifestyles, this is of course including language. I can understand why people may get frustrated when talking with someone who may have broken English, but imagine how they feel. I know if I was in another country trying to talk with someone, knowing I did not know the language well I would feel stupid and ashamed. Yet instead of treating these people with respect, we treat them like they are not even human beings. The funny thing is that there are almost as many Spanish-speaking citizens here as there are English-speaking ones.

If there was not a lot of Spanish-speaking people then guess what? We would not have to press one for English! So this just shows that Spanish is a common language spoken in the states, as time goes on I am sure the number of people who speak it as a first language will increase. There are a number of countries who have two official languages this is how I believe America should be. The funny thing is the majority of these people who say all this garbage more than likely had ancestors who came to America not knowing English. This is another example of the ignorance the vase majority of Americans have. They will sit there and judge others, when they have no idea where they came from or what their cultural heritage is.

"Our common language is a basis of our cultural unity. It’s far from the only language spoken in the United States, but certainly it’s the primary one.  For folks wishing to advance here, knowledge of it is essential.  We do immigrants no favors by bending over backwards trying to accommodate them in their native language, and hindering their adapting to a new culture."

Can we all say crap! This nation's culture is made up of a bunch of other cultures! Unless they are referring to the natives of this country in which case we should all be speaking Cherokee or which ever tribe we are living nearest to. Also the majority of Spanish-speaking individuals who speak Spanish were born here in America, so immigration has nothing to do with what language should or should not be spoken here.Also the assumption that language is equated to knowledge is just plan stupid!

No wonder why so many countries around the world look down on Americans.Their are so many examples I can give in regards to America's worldly intolerance and the we are better than everyone else mentality.However sticking to the point why should someone have to learn English in order to stay in America? These are the same people proclaiming that America is so great because of our constitutional freedoms, but apparently if you can not speak English then they do not apply to you! Thank goodness these people do not run this country because America would soon turn into democratic nightmare! America needs to wake up and realize that we are in the 21st century now and as time keeps moving forward we need to progress and not regress when it comes to the development of this country.

Oh My Parody!

Ok So I am quite bored and can not seem to sleep, even though a wonderous trip to dreamland sounds awesome right about now....anyways many fans of twilight can not seem to take jokes,well I can and below are some of my favourite twilight parodies ever! They are all so freaking funny! Honestly I like some of them more than the movies! (hear all the Twi-hards yell blasphemy!:p)

Oh My Parody!

Ok So I am quite bored and can not seem to sleep, even though a wonderous trip to dreamland sounds awesome right about now....anyways many fans of twilight can not seem to take jokes,well I can and below are some of my favourite twilight parodies ever! They are all so freaking funny! Honestly I like some of them more than the movies! (hear all the Twi-hards yell blasphemy!:p)

Being a devote "Twi-hard" I have had my share of criticism from people about my love of the twilight book series. Firstly just because I like the series this does not make me a literary retard, crazy, jumping on the bandwagon,or immature. I have loved the series before it was popular and will continue to like it after the fad has passed. When I read  books I tend to read in-between the lines and instead of seeing a vampire-human-wolf love triangle I see themes of Love and lost, Forbidden fruit, growing up, and making impossible choices.

Lately though I have been hearing a lot of criticism from feminist groups about the character of Bella Swan being the ultimate anti-feminism heroin. Although I can name a number of her characteristics I personally do not like, I feel this is going a bit to far. Lets start with the fact that this is a fictional story, yet people are acting like she is a real person. Yes a lot of teenagers are reading the books, but this does not mean that are going to adapt themselves to be like her. We do not see teenagers killing themselves for love like Juliet did.

"First of all, all the men in Bella's life essentially control her, and she lets it happen. She just makes a show of being really annoyed anytime Edward overprotective her in his assumption that she is just a fragile little girl who can't help but put herself in danger's way."

Yes Edward is over protective over Bella because she is in danger. Compared to the vampires of the book Bella is a twig and would be snapped in half. Also notice how this person left out the fact that the main vampire who is after Bella is a female. Who is quite powerful and witty,this of course being Victoria. The core of anti-feminism is , telling a woman she can't do something solely because she's a woman taking any choice away from her specifically because of her gender. This is not the case with Bella. She is "protected" because she is a human in a super-natural world. In the books there are plenty of strong women to look up to. All the Cullen girls, Victoria, and in the last book Bella too is also strong and ends up saving everyone.

"She has no identity of her own, and literally loses her mind without the constant influence of vampire boy. At the end of Twilight, when Edward attempts to leave her in the hospital, she almost gives herself a stroke. Again in New Moon, when he tells her he has to go (because he’s a danger to her), she’s shown on the ground in the fetal position, looking a junkie whose about to kill herself. I get that they have a chemical bond, but they both exhibit actions towards one another that looks more like a drug addiction not a relationship."

All the books are from Bella's POV so to imply she has no identity is just plain stupid. The books clearly show Bella, although quite is extremely smart, loves to read, is an avid music lover, and is extremely mature for her age. Just because she is not outgoing and doesn't like to party does not make her void of a personality. The fact that she "goes crazy" when Edward leaves is something everyone can relate too. I do not care who you are when you lose your first love it is like your world ceases to exist. Bella's reaction to me anyways, is very typical of a young girl who is truly in love for the first time. We see her pain and grief over the lost of Edward, but we also see her pick herself back up again with the help of her Best friend Jacob,I assume "feminist" also have a problem with this, because as you know women should not need help when dealing with a major life changing event.

I have also heard claims that because she chooses to become a vampire and wants to spend the rest of her life with Edward this also makes her an anti-feminist. These people have obviously never read the damn books because throughout them all, Edward despises the idea of Bella becoming a vampire. This counters the argument that Bella lets Edward control her, because she does become a vampire. Another funny one I heard was in regards to Bella wanting to keep her baby even though it is a danger to her. Once again this is another example of something Bella did without Edward's approval. Wow a woman wants to keep her baby and go against her husband's wishes! That is so the trademark of an anti-feminist!

Isn't the point of the feminist movement suppose to be about choices? It seems to me that these people who sit there and criticize a fictional character because of the choices she makes are complete hypocrites. Maybe Bella is not the bravest or most outspoken literary character, but she does have many qualities that teenage girls can look and say "wow she is just like me" I know that is what I did when I read the books. I of course am very outspoken but like Bella I am a book-worm, who when in public is quite shy and reserved. Maybe these feminist should take a good hard look in the mirror, because what they are saying is young girls who have the characteristics of Bella are weak and bad role models. When in fact they are the ones who are making young girls feel bad about themselves.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="455" caption="Watch out! She is setting the woman's rights movement back 20 years!"][/caption]

Bella The Anti-Feminst?

Being a devote "Twi-hard" I have had my share of criticism from people about my love of the twilight book series. Firstly just because I like the series this does not make me a literary retard, crazy, jumping on the bandwagon,or immature. I have loved the series before it was popular and will continue to like it after the fad has passed. When I read  books I tend to read in-between the lines and instead of seeing a vampire-human-wolf love triangle I see themes of Love and lost, Forbidden fruit, growing up, and making impossible choices.

Lately though I have been hearing a lot of criticism from feminist groups about the character of Bella Swan being the ultimate anti-feminism heroin. Although I can name a number of her characteristics I personally do not like, I feel this is going a bit to far. Lets start with the fact that this is a fictional story, yet people are acting like she is a real person. Yes a lot of teenagers are reading the books, but this does not mean that are going to adapt themselves to be like her. We do not see teenagers killing themselves for love like Juliet did.

"First of all, all the men in Bella's life essentially control her, and she lets it happen. She just makes a show of being really annoyed anytime Edward overprotective her in his assumption that she is just a fragile little girl who can't help but put herself in danger's way."

Yes Edward is over protective over Bella because she is in danger. Compared to the vampires of the book Bella is a twig and would be snapped in half. Also notice how this person left out the fact that the main vampire who is after Bella is a female. Who is quite powerful and witty,this of course being Victoria. The core of anti-feminism is , telling a woman she can't do something solely because she's a woman taking any choice away from her specifically because of her gender. This is not the case with Bella. She is "protected" because she is a human in a super-natural world. In the books there are plenty of strong women to look up to. All the Cullen girls, Victoria, and in the last book Bella too is also strong and ends up saving everyone.

"She has no identity of her own, and literally loses her mind without the constant influence of vampire boy. At the end of Twilight, when Edward attempts to leave her in the hospital, she almost gives herself a stroke. Again in New Moon, when he tells her he has to go (because he’s a danger to her), she’s shown on the ground in the fetal position, looking a junkie whose about to kill herself. I get that they have a chemical bond, but they both exhibit actions towards one another that looks more like a drug addiction not a relationship."

All the books are from Bella's POV so to imply she has no identity is just plain stupid. The books clearly show Bella, although quite is extremely smart, loves to read, is an avid music lover, and is extremely mature for her age. Just because she is not outgoing and doesn't like to party does not make her void of a personality. The fact that she "goes crazy" when Edward leaves is something everyone can relate too. I do not care who you are when you lose your first love it is like your world ceases to exist. Bella's reaction to me anyways, is very typical of a young girl who is truly in love for the first time. We see her pain and grief over the lost of Edward, but we also see her pick herself back up again with the help of her Best friend Jacob,I assume "feminist" also have a problem with this, because as you know women should not need help when dealing with a major life changing event.

I have also heard claims that because she chooses to become a vampire and wants to spend the rest of her life with Edward this also makes her an anti-feminist. These people have obviously never read the damn books because throughout them all, Edward despises the idea of Bella becoming a vampire. This counters the argument that Bella lets Edward control her, because she does become a vampire. Another funny one I heard was in regards to Bella wanting to keep her baby even though it is a danger to her. Once again this is another example of something Bella did without Edward's approval. Wow a woman wants to keep her baby and go against her husband's wishes! That is so the trademark of an anti-feminist!

Isn't the point of the feminist movement suppose to be about choices? It seems to me that these people who sit there and criticize a fictional character because of the choices she makes are complete hypocrites. Maybe Bella is not the bravest or most outspoken literary character, but she does have many qualities that teenage girls can look and say "wow she is just like me" I know that is what I did when I read the books. I of course am very outspoken but like Bella I am a book-worm, who when in public is quite shy and reserved. Maybe these feminist should take a good hard look in the mirror, because what they are saying is young girls who have the characteristics of Bella are weak and bad role models. When in fact they are the ones who are making young girls feel bad about themselves.

Corny:Oh Yeah!

The following little blog I wrote back in 02-05-09. Just thought it would be fun to share! When it comes to my man I can be quite corny lol!







Here we are with out own place, and more importantly our own lives that we share together.Where oh where do I start, lets see how about the first time I laid eyes on him. Some people claim that when they find their soul mate their eyes meet and it is love at first sight, when I first saw him I assumed he was not only an ass kisser but a stupid typical guy, Yes I was wrong at least about the typical guy aspect! So I got to know him and started thinking maybe he wasn't like other guys and maybe he could be a person who I would want to be friends with. well lets see now what happened next oh yeah the boy that I meant turned out to be the most amazing, kind-hearted, loving person I have ever meant in my life! after a few months I got up the nerve and kissed the boy, according to him I ran away after he kissed me back, but the truth was when he kissed me I grew wings and I flew away.So now I was basically in love with the boy and I felt things I have never felt in my life and all I wanted was to be his girl, but he never asked and being the impatient person I am, I wanted to scream! and valentines day came and I was sure it was going to be the day and even though that day went down in make out history sadly it was not the day. I was hopeless and I thought he was never going to ask me. Then exactly 6 days later while we stood in front of his house, under the stars, and with my dad parked only a few feet away. He asked me to be his girlfriend! So this is the end of part one maybe part two another day

Corny:Oh Yeah!

The following little blog I wrote back in 02-05-09. Just thought it would be fun to share! When it comes to my man I can be quite corny lol!







Here we are with out own place, and more importantly our own lives that we share together.Where oh where do I start, lets see how about the first time I laid eyes on him. Some people claim that when they find their soul mate their eyes meet and it is love at first sight, when I first saw him I assumed he was not only an ass kisser but a stupid typical guy, Yes I was wrong at least about the typical guy aspect! So I got to know him and started thinking maybe he wasn't like other guys and maybe he could be a person who I would want to be friends with. well lets see now what happened next oh yeah the boy that I meant turned out to be the most amazing, kind-hearted, loving person I have ever meant in my life! after a few months I got up the nerve and kissed the boy, according to him I ran away after he kissed me back, but the truth was when he kissed me I grew wings and I flew away.So now I was basically in love with the boy and I felt things I have never felt in my life and all I wanted was to be his girl, but he never asked and being the impatient person I am, I wanted to scream! and valentines day came and I was sure it was going to be the day and even though that day went down in make out history sadly it was not the day. I was hopeless and I thought he was never going to ask me. Then exactly 6 days later while we stood in front of his house, under the stars, and with my dad parked only a few feet away. He asked me to be his girlfriend! So this is the end of part one maybe part two another day

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="184" caption="American Beauty"][/caption]

The subject of beauty is one that all women face numerous times in their lives. It does not matter where you are raised from the time a woman is born, it seems she is defined by her outer appearance only.While every culture has their own definition of what a beautiful women is, the one common bond is all women strive to be perfect. I am going to focus on beauty here in america for this particular blog and we all know what that means skinny big boobed bitches!

America sucks when it comes to beauty standards, besides the fact that the standard is impossible to reach by average girls, it is also shoved down throats everywhere we look. T.V, magazines, and now of course the internet. We can not escape the trap. When I log into MySpace or Facebook the first thing I see is the ads in corner showing a skinny bitch in some skanky clothes asking you " do you want to look like this" or " lose 20lbs in 2 weeks". First of all this is so not what I need to see when I log in, secondly maybe I don't want to be an anorexic whore, and third how many girls are actually looking at these and thinking that because they are not a size 2 they are worthless. Well I can guarantee it is a lot.

When I was in high school my life was made a living hell by girls who thought they were better than me simply because I did not and still do not fit into the stereotypical mold of what is beautiful. I hated school and I hated all the bitches there. I cut myself because of it, I tried to diet, and I hated myself because of how I looked. I was a young, Intelligent, creative, and fun girl, but no one had the chance to see that side of me because of a handful of girls who had me thinking that is how everyone felt about me. So I spent my high school days being the wierd loner girl. Looking back on it all I realize these girls where only making my life a living hell so they could feel better about themselves. I am now pretty much happy with myself and know I will never be a size 0, but that is ok because I would look horrible if I was that size. I am now concentrating on losing weight, not for anyone else but for myself. I realize that as long as I think I am beautiful, I will always have at least one person who views me as beautiful. As far as all those girls who put me down are concerned I honestly could care less about them, the only thing that upsets me is the fact that for 4 years of my life I let them get to me and let them put me down.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="170" caption="Me: True Beauty"][/caption]

I am sure many other women have or are experiencing the same types of situations I went through. What I wonder is how many of them will have the strength to keep themselves up and realize that they are beautiful? My guess is probably not too many considering that the business of plastic surgery just keeps getting bigger and bigger. It pisses me off that so many women want big balloons inserted into their chest just so superficial men will look at them. Or why a women who may have a few wrinkles want to inject themselves with Botox and paralyze their faces! Seriously girls stop looking at all these ads in magazines wishing you could look like the barley human women who has been torn apart and put back together in Photoshop, and stop looking at these celebrities who look "perfect" only because they have the money to get tons of plastic surgery and a really good make-up team.

The only way america will change its view on beauty is if we as women first change how we see ourselves and other women around us. diversity is what makes us all beautiful in our own ways, if we where all "perfect" looking not only would men get bored with us and probably turn to farm animals or something, but we would not be ourselves. Instead we would be a bunch of really creepy anorexic bitches. So the next time you see one of those ads in a magazine that makes you feel like a piece of shit, rip it up! Realize that women is only beautiful in Photoshop, but you are beautiful in real life. And the only people who deserve to have us in their lives are the ones who except us for everything we are and represent. So fuck you all you skanky ass skinny whores! go eat something!

You Are So Beautiful...In Photoshop!

American Beauty

The subject of beauty is one that all women face numerous times in their lives. It does not matter where you are raised from the time a woman is born, it seems she is defined by her outer appearance only.While every culture has their own definition of what a beautiful women is, the one common bond is all women strive to be perfect. I am going to focus on beauty here in america for this particular blog and we all know what that means skinny big boobed bitches!

America sucks when it comes to beauty standards, besides the fact that the standard is impossible to reach by average girls, it is also shoved down throats everywhere we look. T.V, magazines, and now of course the internet. We can not escape the trap. When I log into MySpace or Facebook the first thing I see is the ads in corner showing a skinny bitch in some skanky clothes asking you " do you want to look like this" or " lose 20lbs in 2 weeks". First of all this is so not what I need to see when I log in, secondly maybe I don't want to be an anorexic whore, and third how many girls are actually looking at these and thinking that because they are not a size 2 they are worthless. Well I can guarantee it is a lot.

When I was in high school my life was made a living hell by girls who thought they were better than me simply because I did not and still do not fit into the stereotypical mold of what is beautiful. I hated school and I hated all the bitches there. I cut myself because of it, I tried to diet, and I hated myself because of how I looked. I was a young, Intelligent, creative, and fun girl, but no one had the chance to see that side of me because of a handful of girls who had me thinking that is how everyone felt about me. So I spent my high school days being the wierd loner girl. Looking back on it all I realize these girls where only making my life a living hell so they could feel better about themselves. I am now pretty much happy with myself and know I will never be a size 0, but that is ok because I would look horrible if I was that size. I am now concentrating on losing weight, not for anyone else but for myself. I realize that as long as I think I am beautiful, I will always have at least one person who views me as beautiful. As far as all those girls who put me down are concerned I honestly could care less about them, the only thing that upsets me is the fact that for 4 years of my life I let them get to me and let them put me down.

True Beauty

I am sure many other women have or are experiencing the same types of situations I went through. What I wonder is how many of them will have the strength to keep themselves up and realize that they are beautiful? My guess is probably not too many considering that the business of plastic surgery just keeps getting bigger and bigger. It pisses me off that so many women want big balloons inserted into their chest just so superficial men will look at them. Or why a women who may have a few wrinkles want to inject themselves with Botox and paralyze their faces! Seriously girls stop looking at all these ads in magazines wishing you could look like the barley human women who has been torn apart and put back together in Photoshop, and stop looking at these celebrities who look "perfect" only because they have the money to get tons of plastic surgery and a really good make-up team.

The only way america will change its view on beauty is if we as women first change how we see ourselves and other women around us. diversity is what makes us all beautiful in our own ways, if we where all "perfect" looking not only would men get bored with us and probably turn to farm animals or something, but we would not be ourselves. Instead we would be a bunch of really creepy anorexic bitches. So the next time you see one of those ads in a magazine that makes you feel like a piece of shit, rip it up! Realize that women is only beautiful in Photoshop, but you are beautiful in real life. And the only people who deserve to have us in their lives are the ones who except us for everything we are and represent. So fuck you all you skanky ass skinny whores! go eat something!

One subject I have never understood about today's "Christian" society is their absolute hatred of homosexuals and especially homosexual marriage. I can understand why Christianity may look down on homosexuality, in the same way they look down on adultery and abortion. The difference is homosexuality is viewed as the ultimate sin. They do not only condemn it, they protest it and it some extreme cases have gone as far as hurting or killing a person.

Do not get me wrong I realize that there are a lot of churches that now accept gay members and I think this is amazing, kudos to them! Still though in this country it seems majority wise, Christians are homophobes. In this country the supposed "land of the free" Everyone is not only suppose to have equal rights, but there is also a little policy known as separation of church and state. So why the hell are same-sex couples denied their right to get married! Is this not unconstitutional? Not too long ago Biracial couples where also denied the right to marry, this today would be considered racism and would be against the law. Well this is exactly what is happening today, instead of racism this is known as sexism.

In America everyday people are killed legally. Yet two people who love each other still can not get married. How much sense does this make! These so-called Christians sit their and judge these people for the way they were born, yet if a state or even the nation as a whole one day decided that Christianity should be illegal they would have a fit about it. Not even a fit they would straight up riot! This country either needs to let everyone have their human rights, or no one at all. We let people have freedom of speech, protest, and however extreme it may be, for the most part let people live and raise their children the way they want. God-forbid though if two people who are of the same gender want to celebrate their love!

This is just one of many blogs I will be posting about this subject. I can not stand people who put down others because they are different,especially when they are born that way. Yes gay people do not become gay, they are BORN that way. Science has proven this, so to those who believe in a god guess what? Those people you put down because of who they love, you are putting down your god. Remember we are "made" in his or her image so I guess god is gay!

God Is So Gay

One subject I have never understood about today's "Christian" society is their absolute hatred of homosexuals and especially homosexual marriage. I can understand why Christianity may look down on homosexuality, in the same way they look down on adultery and abortion. The difference is homosexuality is viewed as the ultimate sin. They do not only condemn it, they protest it and it some extreme cases have gone as far as hurting or killing a person.

Do not get me wrong I realize that there are a lot of churches that now accept gay members and I think this is amazing, kudos to them! Still though in this country it seems majority wise, Christians are homophobes. In this country the supposed "land of the free" Everyone is not only suppose to have equal rights, but there is also a little policy known as separation of church and state. So why the hell are same-sex couples denied their right to get married! Is this not unconstitutional? Not too long ago Biracial couples where also denied the right to marry, this today would be considered racism and would be against the law. Well this is exactly what is happening today, instead of racism this is known as sexism.

In America everyday people are killed legally. Yet two people who love each other still can not get married. How much sense does this make! These so-called Christians sit their and judge these people for the way they were born, yet if a state or even the nation as a whole one day decided that Christianity should be illegal they would have a fit about it. Not even a fit they would straight up riot! This country either needs to let everyone have their human rights, or no one at all. We let people have freedom of speech, protest, and however extreme it may be, for the most part let people live and raise their children the way they want. God-forbid though if two people who are of the same gender want to celebrate their love!

This is just one of many blogs I will be posting about this subject. I can not stand people who put down others because they are different,especially when they are born that way. Yes gay people do not become gay, they are BORN that way. Science has proven this, so to those who believe in a god guess what? Those people you put down because of who they love, you are putting down your god. Remember we are "made" in his or her image so I guess god is gay!

Letters

IN ALL THOSE LETTERS WE WROTE

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS HISTORY IN THE MAKING

SIMPLE, SEDUCTIVE, AND SO EXHILARATING

THEY ARE A PIECE OF OUR SOULS THAT WILL NEVER BE ERASED

A THOUSAND MEMORIES NOT ONE OUT OF PLACE

JUST A FRACTION OF THE MANY LIFE TIMES WE SHARED

A MOMENT IN TIME BETWEEN HERE AND THERE

THE INK MAY SOME DAY FADE

BUT ETCHED IN OUR HEARTS THE LETTERS WILL STAY

Letters

IN ALL THOSE LETTERS WE WROTE

WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS HISTORY IN THE MAKING

SIMPLE, SEDUCTIVE, AND SO EXHILARATING

THEY ARE A PIECE OF OUR SOULS THAT WILL NEVER BE ERASED

A THOUSAND MEMORIES NOT ONE OUT OF PLACE

JUST A FRACTION OF THE MANY LIFE TIMES WE SHARED

A MOMENT IN TIME BETWEEN HERE AND THERE

THE INK MAY SOME DAY FADE

BUT ETCHED IN OUR HEARTS THE LETTERS WILL STAY

Here i stand an angel among the damned not for sinister action but for falling in love.a lovely angel who has lost her wings and fallen from grace.what happens when the seraph falls for the demon, when a lamb falls for a lion, when the prey falls in love with their predator? is love worth giving up forever, even when the one you love is a sheep in wolves covering. maybe demons and angels are one of a kind, maybe the only difference is the path of darkness and light.He will always be my lion and I am destined to be his lamb. so I must take my place among the angels that have fallen

Angel

Here i stand an angel among the damned not for sinister action but for falling in love.a lovely angel who has lost her wings and fallen from grace.what happens when the seraph falls for the demon, when a lamb falls for a lion, when the prey falls in love with their predator? is love worth giving up forever, even when the one you love is a sheep in wolves covering. maybe demons and angels are one of a kind, maybe the only difference is the path of darkness and light.He will always be my lion and I am destined to be his lamb. so I must take my place among the angels that have fallen

Through out my life I have believed in many things. When I was young Christmas was always the best because Santa came baring gifts, Or on Easter when the bunny would come and hide our baskets in the house somewhere. As I grew older I realized through common sense that these childhood fantasies where just that....Fantasy. As I started my journey into my teenage years I was searching for answers. What was life all about? Is there a god? What is my purpose? So I started researching and dabbling into different faiths and beliefs. This happened to be the time when my grandmother moved back down to CT from NY, she managed to get my father whom I was extremely close to at the time to start attending meetings of Jehovah's witnesses again. This series of events directly lead to some of the most profound and saddest times of my short life.

To make a long story short I eventually started studying and became a Jehovah's Witness. I was whole heartedly involved in my beliefs and was looked upon highly by others. I read the bible, studied , prayed, went to meeting , and field service. This became basically my whole life and the meaning of my existence. This of course had consequences in some of the most important aspects of my life. Including family, making friends, and my future goals.My family that majority wise consisted of non-JWs although accepting of my choices where not "on board" with the whole idea, this caused me to become very distant. In regards to making friends to be blunt I didn't, my only friends where other JWs and at the time I thought this was best for me. Since we are taught to be " no part of the world" and "bad associations spoil useful habits". and when it comes to higher education this is considered something to be put on the back burner so to speak, seeing how our main goal in the life should be pleasing Jehovah and doing his preaching work. This I realized later in time was a way to keep everyone isolated.

when I turned 16 everything changed. I got a job and meant a boy, of course I developed a crush on him and eventually we kissed and started dating. I never had sex with him, however we did do other things such as groping but it never went any farther than that…I made the mistake of telling  my best friends she told the elders. During this time I was not going to meetings because I was feeling extremely guilty and I was also cutting myself. one day my father called and said Joe and Larry(2 elders and Joe was my dads best friend) wanted to talk with me, I agreed during this meeting they acted very concerned I told them everything!!! every little detail right in front of my father, I told them how confused I felt and how grayling (my boyfriend) was a good person, he didn’t swear, he respected me, he was 18 and was also a virgin,  and honestly he would pass very well as a jw, they asked me to choose I told them again and again I felt confused but that I wanted to go to meetings still but I felt like I needed time to think and pray about all this he was my first boyfriend, kiss,etc. I wanted both but they didn’t let me choose they made the choice for me, they said they had to discuss somethings for a few minutes and came back and told me I was disfellowshipped, I was in tears begging why, they said too many of the young people in the congregation knew about it and they had to set an example….I was 16 a baby, that day i lose it all my father my friends my whole life. I had become my worse fear a worldly person. my mom tried to help me,my boyfriend was there for me but I was never the same.

At this point in my life I did my best to move on and forget the past, of course inside the pain was still there. This hole that I felt in my heart was so big that I thought no one would be able to fill it. I chose to ignore it and pretend I was ok. During this time I started to develop Really bad Depression and Anxiety. I felt so sad and panicky all the time. Honestly in the back of mine I thought is was because I was no longer one of Jehovah's people. So I went back to a few meetings here and there, but I was shunned so it was not what I expected and It really did not help much at all, if anything it brought back all the horrible memories of what had happened. I eventually went to the doctors and got on medication to help me. To this day I am still on them but the pills along with meditation and writing have helped me tremendously. Another point that did not help through out this time is the fact that my father would call me about every other month and try to guilt me into returning, although at the time I felt like I hated him deep down inside I was so sad that he was not the man I use to look up to and have so much fun with. Eventually I basically cut off all ties with him and learned to start thinking for myself.

So I officially became agnostic. I was so sure that somewhere out there, there was a god. Maybe he just did not care or was to busy with whatever a god does to notice us humans. I use to pray every once in a while to let him lead to in the right direction or which path I should take. I assumed the reason he never answered was either because he did not care or still somewhat under the influence of watchtower teachings it was because I was not a witness. So I would pray and continue to wait for an answer....This answer I was expecting never came.

At some point in all are lives and no one can deny this, because if you are then you are BSing yourself,we all question if there is even a god at all.This thought is very scary because once you think it comes another long line of questions. How did we get here? Is there a purpose in life? What happens when we die? I personally started to ponder this a lot. This of course does not help my anxiety but I am and have always been a thinker. So for the first time in my life I started researching a topic that has always been a bit taboo in my eyes, the subject of Atheism. I also thought how could a person who believed there was no greater power live a happy,fun life. For me what really got the ball rolling was when on youtube I found videos of a women who like me use to be a JW but was now an atheist.(here is one of the videos that has helped me tremendously <3)

So how exactly does one become an Atheist? I can not speak for everyone but for me it was the realization that there it is more than likely not a god. Now I  know if you are an atheist and are reading this you are probably saying to yourself "what are you talking about there is defiantly without a doubt no god!" The only reason I say more than likely not is for the simple fact that while science has proved a lot of things to be true such as evolution and the big bang, they still have not been able to pinpoint the single moment, the origins of life as we know it. Also the more science particularly the fields of neotics and string theory learn, we see the world as we know it is not the world as it actually is. So with this being said I do not believe in god, but I am open-minded enough to say that there could be some type of unknown energy fields of other dimensions we do not yet understand. For those of you who are religious you are like the "old" me questioning how I enjoy life? Or How can I believe when we die there is nothing? Well firstly I feel that not believing in a god has made me a happier person. I am free from faith and not compelled to be "saved" for fear of a wrathful god who might punish me. In regards to an afterlife my personal belief is either there nothing, which is ok because I will not know it. Or maybe apart of us does some how still exist, this comes from the fact that energy can be created and changed but never destroyed.

I have read the bible many times and I have studied almost every major belief system. My conclusion is that religion does more harm than good. If you look back in history and today,every major tragic event has its roots in one religion or another. Every day people kill and are killed in the name of religion. On a smaller scale it has ripped family and friends apart, Changed people for the worse, and has taken over people's lives. Everyone believes they hold the truth and that their belief system is correct. This makes people think they are on a pedestal and causes them to look down on others. This self-righteous attitude is the last thing we need in the world, the mentality of my god is better than your god. When you really step back and take a look at it, it is all so childish and completely wrong. History has proven over and over that people of different faiths can not coincide with each other. This world needs a change, we as human beings are the only ones who can change ourselves.

So I ask each and every one of you to not only question your faith, but to question how your faith affects you and the way you view the world and other people. There are a thousand paths to this so-called almighty, but there is only one path to truth. This path is called science.

Journey

Through out my life I have believed in many things. When I was young Christmas was always the best because Santa came baring gifts, Or on Easter when the bunny would come and hide our baskets in the house somewhere. As I grew older I realized through common sense that these childhood fantasies where just that....Fantasy. As I started my journey into my teenage years I was searching for answers. What was life all about? Is there a god? What is my purpose? So I started researching and dabbling into different faiths and beliefs. This happened to be the time when my grandmother moved back down to CT from NY, she managed to get my father whom I was extremely close to at the time to start attending meetings of Jehovah's witnesses again. This series of events directly lead to some of the most profound and saddest times of my short life.

To make a long story short I eventually started studying and became a Jehovah's Witness. I was whole heartedly involved in my beliefs and was looked upon highly by others. I read the bible, studied , prayed, went to meeting , and field service. This became basically my whole life and the meaning of my existence. This of course had consequences in some of the most important aspects of my life. Including family, making friends, and my future goals.My family that majority wise consisted of non-JWs although accepting of my choices where not "on board" with the whole idea, this caused me to become very distant. In regards to making friends to be blunt I didn't, my only friends where other JWs and at the time I thought this was best for me. Since we are taught to be " no part of the world" and "bad associations spoil useful habits". and when it comes to higher education this is considered something to be put on the back burner so to speak, seeing how our main goal in the life should be pleasing Jehovah and doing his preaching work. This I realized later in time was a way to keep everyone isolated.

when I turned 16 everything changed. I got a job and meant a boy, of course I developed a crush on him and eventually we kissed and started dating. I never had sex with him, however we did do other things such as groping but it never went any farther than that…I made the mistake of telling  my best friends she told the elders. During this time I was not going to meetings because I was feeling extremely guilty and I was also cutting myself. one day my father called and said Joe and Larry(2 elders and Joe was my dads best friend) wanted to talk with me, I agreed during this meeting they acted very concerned I told them everything!!! every little detail right in front of my father, I told them how confused I felt and how grayling (my boyfriend) was a good person, he didn’t swear, he respected me, he was 18 and was also a virgin,  and honestly he would pass very well as a jw, they asked me to choose I told them again and again I felt confused but that I wanted to go to meetings still but I felt like I needed time to think and pray about all this he was my first boyfriend, kiss,etc. I wanted both but they didn’t let me choose they made the choice for me, they said they had to discuss somethings for a few minutes and came back and told me I was disfellowshipped, I was in tears begging why, they said too many of the young people in the congregation knew about it and they had to set an example….I was 16 a baby, that day i lose it all my father my friends my whole life. I had become my worse fear a worldly person. my mom tried to help me,my boyfriend was there for me but I was never the same.

At this point in my life I did my best to move on and forget the past, of course inside the pain was still there. This hole that I felt in my heart was so big that I thought no one would be able to fill it. I chose to ignore it and pretend I was ok. During this time I started to develop Really bad Depression and Anxiety. I felt so sad and panicky all the time. Honestly in the back of mine I thought is was because I was no longer one of Jehovah's people. So I went back to a few meetings here and there, but I was shunned so it was not what I expected and It really did not help much at all, if anything it brought back all the horrible memories of what had happened. I eventually went to the doctors and got on medication to help me. To this day I am still on them but the pills along with meditation and writing have helped me tremendously. Another point that did not help through out this time is the fact that my father would call me about every other month and try to guilt me into returning, although at the time I felt like I hated him deep down inside I was so sad that he was not the man I use to look up to and have so much fun with. Eventually I basically cut off all ties with him and learned to start thinking for myself.

So I officially became agnostic. I was so sure that somewhere out there, there was a god. Maybe he just did not care or was to busy with whatever a god does to notice us humans. I use to pray every once in a while to let him lead to in the right direction or which path I should take. I assumed the reason he never answered was either because he did not care or still somewhat under the influence of watchtower teachings it was because I was not a witness. So I would pray and continue to wait for an answer....This answer I was expecting never came.

At some point in all are lives and no one can deny this, because if you are then you are BSing yourself,we all question if there is even a god at all.This thought is very scary because once you think it comes another long line of questions. How did we get here? Is there a purpose in life? What happens when we die? I personally started to ponder this a lot. This of course does not help my anxiety but I am and have always been a thinker. So for the first time in my life I started researching a topic that has always been a bit taboo in my eyes, the subject of Atheism. I also thought how could a person who believed there was no greater power live a happy,fun life. For me what really got the ball rolling was when on youtube I found videos of a women who like me use to be a JW but was now an atheist.(here is one of the videos that has helped me tremendously <3)

So how exactly does one become an Atheist? I can not speak for everyone but for me it was the realization that there it is more than likely not a god. Now I  know if you are an atheist and are reading this you are probably saying to yourself "what are you talking about there is defiantly without a doubt no god!" The only reason I say more than likely not is for the simple fact that while science has proved a lot of things to be true such as evolution and the big bang, they still have not been able to pinpoint the single moment, the origins of life as we know it. Also the more science particularly the fields of neotics and string theory learn, we see the world as we know it is not the world as it actually is. So with this being said I do not believe in god, but I am open-minded enough to say that there could be some type of unknown energy fields of other dimensions we do not yet understand. For those of you who are religious you are like the "old" me questioning how I enjoy life? Or How can I believe when we die there is nothing? Well firstly I feel that not believing in a god has made me a happier person. I am free from faith and not compelled to be "saved" for fear of a wrathful god who might punish me. In regards to an afterlife my personal belief is either there nothing, which is ok because I will not know it. Or maybe apart of us does some how still exist, this comes from the fact that energy can be created and changed but never destroyed.

I have read the bible many times and I have studied almost every major belief system. My conclusion is that religion does more harm than good. If you look back in history and today,every major tragic event has its roots in one religion or another. Every day people kill and are killed in the name of religion. On a smaller scale it has ripped family and friends apart, Changed people for the worse, and has taken over people's lives. Everyone believes they hold the truth and that their belief system is correct. This makes people think they are on a pedestal and causes them to look down on others. This self-righteous attitude is the last thing we need in the world, the mentality of my god is better than your god. When you really step back and take a look at it, it is all so childish and completely wrong. History has proven over and over that people of different faiths can not coincide with each other. This world needs a change, we as human beings are the only ones who can change ourselves.

So I ask each and every one of you to not only question your faith, but to question how your faith affects you and the way you view the world and other people. There are a thousand paths to this so-called almighty, but there is only one path to truth. This path is called science.

Abortion:Choices or lives?

Abortion is not a modern hot topic issue. In fact abortion has been around since Ancient times. Even great philosophers such as Plato,Aristotle, and Hippocrates have debated this moral issue. Of course Ancient abortions where far more dangerous than modern ones, however even back in these times when little was known about fetal development, people took a stand against or for the right to practice aborting or inducing miscarriages. Now thousands of years later society has not changed in this regard and still debate abortion with the same passion as our ancestors.

Here in America the abortion issue really came to a head when in 1973 in the infamous Roe. V. Wade. case was passed and for the first time abortion became legal in all 50 states of America.The supreme court of this so-called free country denied humans the basic rights to life that we all have. Why? simply because they were not born yet. Some of you may agree with what I have just stated, some of you may not, and still even more of you the majority of people in the USA are on the fence about this issue. So let me start with the facts.

Abortion is by definition The termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus; especially: the medical procedure of inducing expulsion of a human fetus to terminate a pregnancy. Notice how even in the definition it states that a DEATH does take place. and also notice that it does say HUMAN fetus. Many pro-choice individuals will say it is not a baby but the a blob of tissue or it is so small it can not feel pain or even be aware. But the fact is abortion is the killing of a human being. Statistically most abortions are done between 15-18 after conception. This is very early in a pregnancy so it is no surprise that a lot of people would think that the fetus was not much of anything, however the facts tell another story.

Even before the 15 week mark around 15 days after conception the embryo had a heartbeat, at 10 weeks  a fetus is considered completely form, this is because All organ systems are formed and even the sex organs are starting to develop, this is why at this point it is not considered an embryo anymore. Imagine that at only around 1 1/2 inches this fetus is truly in every sense and definition of the word a human being. Around 15 weeks the fetus beings to open and close its mouth and may even be seen on an ultrasound sucking its little thumb! This indicates that brain waves are present, and the nerves are starting to mature and work properly. At this point in pregnancy everything is in tact and all the fetus has to do is get bigger and mature so it will be ready for the outside world. At 18 weeks the fetus is about 4inches long and during this time a mother will be able to feel little kicks, also around this time the sex of the baby can usually be determined.

But even with all this knowledge people still kill their babies by aborting them, and the way abortions are preformed even in this modern-day and age are barbaric, as you hearing about the most common forms of abortion I want you to image yourself inside a safe, warm, comfortable bubble known as the womb.

RU-486 most commonly known as the abortion pill, although not the most popular from of abortion it is on the rise here in America and other countries as well.The abortion pill works by blocking the hormone progesterone. Without progesterone, the lining of the uterus breaks down, and pregnancy cannot continue. The way the fetus is killed differs in every case but the most common way is that the placenta becomes detached from the mother and the fetus suffocates to death. After this usually the next day at your home The second medicine misoprostol is taken and  will cause you to have cramps and bleed heavily. Some women may begin bleeding before taking the second medicine. But for most, the bleeding and cramping begin after taking it. It usually lasts a few hours. You may see large blood clots or tissue at the time of the abortion. More than half of women abort within four or five hours after taking the second medicine. For others, it takes longer. But most women abort within a few days. After this you will have a follow-up within the next few days with your doctor. This method of abortion is only 95% effective and can cause serious side effects for the mother including Hemorrhaging,blood clots, and in some cases even death.

The next type of abortion is the most common method here in the U.S and around the world it is known as a vacuum aspiration this can be used up to 18 weeks of pregnancy. During this type of abortion a speculum will be inserted into your vagina and your doctor may inject a numbing medication into or near your cervix. The opening of your cervix is stretched with dilators a series of increasingly thick rods. after your cervix has been dilated enough, a tube with a pointed edge is inserted into your womb where then a machine is turned on and literally vacuums out your uterus. The sharp edge on the tube is to cut the fetus into smaller parts and therefore making it easier for the abortionists to get everything. the complications of this procedure  include heavy or prolong bleeding, blood clots, damage to the cervix and perforation of the uterus. Infection due to retained products of conception or infection caused by bacteria being introduced to the uterus , pain, abdominal tenderness and possibly scar tissue.

The second most common type of abortion done is a D&C also known as Dilation and curettage This is used up to 22 week of pregnancy even though at this time the baby is considered viable outside the womb. during a D&C  all the steps mentioned above are used before the actual abortion except the cervix must be dilated even more because the pregnancy is farther along and also the abortionists needs more room for their tools. A D&C is preformed  when a curette which  is a long, looped shaped knife is inserted into the  uterus. This tool is used to cut up the fetus into small pieces so it can then be sectioned out. The risk are the same as an Aspiration except the women would be at higher risk for all. Sometimes during a D & C the abortionists realizes the fetus it to large to remove with the Curette so Instead of the loop-shaped knife , a pair of forceps is inserted into the womb to grasp part of the fetus. The teeth of the forceps twist and tear the bones of the unborn child. This process is repeated until the fetus is totally dismembered and removed. Usually the spine must be snapped and the skull crushed in order to remove them. This procedure is commonly used in abortions up to 24 weeks.

Although late-term abortions are rare they are still done everyday, it is estimated that about 2,500 late second and third trimester abortions are done each year. The ways they are done are many, and are even more brutal than the D&E. I will only give a few examples of these late-term abortion procedures first there is a Prostaglandin Chemical Abortion This form of abortion uses chemicals which cause the uterus to contract intensely, pushing out the developing baby. The contractions are more violent than normal, natural contractions, so the unborn baby is frequently killed by them -- some have even been decapitated. Many, however, have also been born alive. Then there is a Caesarean  mainly in the last three months of pregnancy, the womb is entered by surgery through the wall of the abdomen. The technique is similar to a Caesarean delivery, except that the umbilical cord is usually cut while the baby is still in the womb, thus cutting off his oxygen supply and causing him to suffocate.There have even been documented cases where  the baby is removed alive and simply left in a corner to die of neglect or exposure.

Apart from all the possible physical side effects of abortion, the worse side effects are that of emotional distress. Recent studies show that up to 60% on women who have had abortions at some point will regret it, out of this 60% 35-40% have long-term emotional problems including but not limited to depression, guilt, anxiety, and even post traumatic stress syndrome. All these women have one thing in common when they had their abortions they either did not think they were killing a baby at the time, or the knew but did not care. These women will have to spend the rest of their lives living with and dealing with the guilt they have.

You now know what abortion is, how it is done, and the effects it has on women. Since 1973 over 50 million babies have been silenced  by the genocide known as "choice" in this country. Like me you all are the lucky ones who have survived the abortion holocaust. I am now asking you to be a voice for those without one.